The Importance of Good Wingman to those Starting out on their Seduction Journey

Darren Pua               The Wing-manning Guide 

For wing manning, networking etc. email:  please no chodes or time wasters please . 

Why meet wingmen? 

The Classification  of Social Circles post university

 After I left university things in my dating life turned woefully low , I had little self esteem or self confidence after everything plunged into disarray as I had 0 women in my life and nothing but my uni friends and my old school friends to keep be company. As I attended parties and social events everything seemed stale and boring. I knew there had to be a way out of this rouge way of living as I needed to find new people to meet with and bond with that could redefine my life in a more positive light. Unfortunately life was not giving me any new social circles that could inspire me to make the change that i really needed. All I had were friends that weren’t interested in moving in the direction I wanted to. They thought day-game was creepy and unjust ironic seeing as most of them were approaching girls drunkingly in night clubs ( i cant think of anything creepier than that to be honest) So i took the plunge and met wings online. Around circa 2017 3 years after i left university i realised i could no longer carry on the way I was without daygame. Tinder and online were proving to be very shit ways to meet women , my social circle had calcified (all the women in it had long term boyfriends) there was nothing left for me to do but to go out and find what i needed for myself on my own. I then went on the wingmen forums like Simple Pickup looking for wings, although this was far from ideal it was a good start to meeting new people. It gave me a good insight into new friends I could make from doing this. Initially i started out meeting low value guys who even though they weren’t going far in life were still at least approaching women. They were still testing the boundaries of what i thought at the time to be incredibly difficult things to accomplish , just the simple act of approaching women was tough enough from my perspective and I’m glad that I finally at least had met some people that were capable of doing that. 

Friendships for the sake of friendships: 

When I was at school I had sort of friends not because they offered any real intrinsic value to me other than talking about football and playing football. Then at university i had “friends” but these “friends” never bypassed any level of value beyond being drinking buddies. There was nothing I gained from these friendships outside the stuff we’d do together, drink, do drugs, creep around girls in an informal inauthentic way….and thats about it. Uni ended in 2014 for me, but the habits of my friends from university continued. The friendship circles have stayed the same SIX years on. Six years, plus the 3 years at uni thats an eighth of your life with the same friends and relationships. Of course then theres work. I made friends at work but then again beyond drinking and talking about sports and the same old crap that men talk about these friendships weren’t creative at all. They weren’t inspiring they didn’t offer anything for me and its the sort of shit men get into and get stuck into all the time and its awful. They’re unable to be self aware that to attract women who will stick around they need to build dynamic and interesting lives which includes having friends and other men that they can build with. Unfortunately most men aren’t self aware of this at all. They just make friends with people at school not because they could build a business, or build something with those individuals but because those individuals were there at the right place at the right time….thats it. Just “Friends” because they stood next to one another at the correct time of place. In my opinion if you want to get good at seduction, day-game you will need real friends and a real social circle. This takes times as with anything in life but as I will say many times over that this is worth it in the long run. 

When social circles end you must move on and be proactive about it.

The biggest problem I see with guys at the end of university is they cling on to friendships with nostalgia of what that friendship gave them in the past.  A classic case scenario was at university a guy at my school was extremely popular in the “A” team at rugby. He was top of that social  hierarchy and thrived of it. He got a whole lot of women due to being the alpha of the pack. Then university ended thus the rugby team ended and everything he’d worked hard for during those three years condensed into nothing . This is nothing new it is inevitably going to happen when you move jobs , universities , schools that your social circles will dismantle and you must be proactive in creating new ones or else your life will hit brick wall after brick wall. Which is what i found happened to me after uni was finished i was annoying the same old leads from university, I was needy over a few girls that meant next to nothing to me (because I was unable to create new options myself) . It all in all was just not working well for me.  It wasn’t sustainable and i had to be proactive about it. No one is going to change your social life for you except you. And unless you become Dan Bilzerian or Drake you must work hard to build that social circle because lord knows its not coming for you out of thin air, you must proactive about it. 

Of course the question is never really set in stone but daygame, social circle building and “social dynamics” is rarely something that can be accomplished on your own the fact is that building an attractive and seductive life that women will want to be apart of having good wingmen that are socially calibrated and good friends with you are vital to keeping women in your life for the longterm. Accomplishing big things on your own is tough and day-game , social interactions etc. are difficult to do on your own. If you try and do it all on your own i don’t believe you will be able to reach your potential than you could do if you had solid wingmen. I’ve found that many wingmen I’ve met have gone on to be close friends of mine, potential business partners, travel buddies and have kept life feeling fresh. It’s also made the daily habit of approaching women much easier when I’m around people who just encourage me to do so. Im not around my uni friends who think its weird or creepy but I’m around my solid crew of wings who encourage me and have my back and thats worth its weight in gold in the long run. 

Modern Day Puas approach to Construction of Social Circles

Ironically (leaving RSD out of this equation because I’m not a fan of the way that organisation is run) few famous Puas ever talk about having a seductive life social circle that women will want to be a part of. Its a common problem I see with young seducers that enter the seduction scene at 18-26 they have no idea at all about how to create a mature social environment which women will enjoy being a part of. I actually see it being a problem in older Puas or men in dating too, they have no interesting friends for the women he’s trying to seduce to be enticed by.  They are  lacking complete self awareness about this and have no idea what to do about it. Of course can you blame men? I most certainly wont as most people are completely oblivious to how to make friends outside their social circle at school and their work place. Men need to learn how to do this quick…except we were never told and by day-game coaches we are rarely told how to build a genuine circle and what to do to maintain friendships long term. Much PUA content is focused on approaching, analytics of the sexual market place  or just red-pill reddit shit about some 45 year old American’s bad divorce, little is focused on cultivating strong real friendships. Even in the high end scene you will find a lot of fake non congruent people , in the PUA scene you will find a ridiculous amount of these people, its important to learn how to ride the tide and deal with these people effectively and productively or longterm you’ll burn out and it wont be very fun. 

There is little guidance about it bar the odd Tom Torero wing manning infield video, a few RSD “social circle” game videos that to some degree miss some key points that i would like to address. 

James Marshall made some decent speeches here and there about it. Dj Fuji also mentioned in his 21 convention speeches that you must find wingmen who open lots of sets. At the time when i first heard this aged 21 i had no idea what “finding someone who opened a lot meant” now i understand and completely agree. You need wingmen who take action and thats one of the key most important factors because as the modern self help phrase goes “you’re the average of the 5 people you’re around the most” if you’re around people who approach a lot you will pick up their positive habits and influences. If you’re around people who get angry, stall and get negative you will pick up their habits too. So its vital that you pick wingmen who’s habits are worth emulating. Pick your wingmen wisely as  you will most likely (because thats how human nature works ) do what they’ll do in the long run. So if you’re around a lot of people who are anxious as fuck and make excuses you’ll sure as a hell do that too. 

Even after having some success from Daygame, a few lays here and there and some success on day-game trips I realised how important wings were to the equation in terms of lifestyle design . You need a team around you at some stage thats going to be reliable and will help you become a better man and you’re going to have to add value to those in your team . Without doing this things are going to get lonely and maybe even feel a bit pointless. After all what is the point in success if theres no one to share it with. 

Men’s addiction to fraudulent social circles, how it can ruin your life. 

Men are idiots, they either have no real social circles or are addicted to ones where they are either addicted to one which they are high up in that might end or wont last its course, like the boss at the workplace or the alpha rugby team captain. 

Incidentally it was Rollo Tomassi who wrote in his book The Rational Male warning about the harms of “false alphas” He was correct in a lot of assertions , men cling on and seduce women in these false alpha environments where they’re the alpha due to the something that isn’t a sustainable social circle then when that circle goes what was attractive and seductive about them is gone.  Men can get addicted to what makes them alpha even if it causes their life to be distorted. Like men who choose to because diving instructors on tourist resorts so they can sleep with women they teach or men who constantly go to where they are alpha in Thailand and Philippines where their sexual market value is infinitely higher to that of a city like London. I saw it a lot in my social circles with my rugby friends being addicted to hanging out with their old rugby friends at university not because anything spectacular was accomplished in their friendship groups besides drinking excessively and chanting lad stuff at girls. If anything I believe these friendship groups stayed together due to an appreciation of a happier time back at university when they were “the  alpha”. Most men haven’t got the confidence to step away from what makes them falsely alpha and move onto a path that can show them real alpha like finding a good social circle in a city where approaching is tough which will require them to have seductive skills. 

What good wingmen can do for you? 

  • Help you be more productive in Daygame sessions. A proactive full energy wingman can help you reach your day-game potential more effectively and efficiently they can provide that push and accountability resulting in far less strain on your mind and far more being achieved . 
  • Can help you in group sets.  A good wingman can bring out the best in you when it comes to gaming groups and can be invaluable in this regard, approaching sets can be extremely mentally exhausting as you’re dealing with more than 2-3 different women’s emotions at anyone time, thoughts and feelings ranging from joy to jealousy will occur  this requires a huge amount of mental energy and strong game to combat. A wingman will make this infinitely easier and can buy you time to close the woman you want by distracting the friend and helping avoid the friend getting bitter and jealous. 
  • Can help create a decent social circle for you that women will want to be a part of. Though some people enjoy being a lone ranger a far more efficient and seductive method is to have a social circle that women will want to be a part of thats interesting enough so that a woman would want to bring their friends into your group and circle. This makes it far easier to hold the frame. Think about this theoretically having attractive and interesting friends make it easier for the woman to build trust with you , makes the woman more interested in your life as a whole and can make it easier for help to contribute to you by having you meet her friends. 
  • Can offer support throughout relationships. When i was going through difficult breakups with girls whom I had met via day game it was the supportive wingmen that helped me get through them the most , wingmen can share knowledge and ideas about how to keep relationships fresh and interesting. I’ve learnt a lot about textgame, instagram game and dating from my wingmen, a constant value exchange and knowledge can be made between the wingmen and you that can add a huge amount to your life. 
  • James Marshall’s 21 convention speech about having a good social group 
  • Men need other men around them. You’re far better off with hard working men around you than you are on your own provided you have the similar hard work ethics and desire to get good. I approach far more when I’m with friends than without, I do better in set when I’m with friends than without I’m all together a better more social person when i have high quality  people backing me up . 
  • I’ve rarely seen people keep women , long term without friends and a social circle to back them up. The more lone wolf seducers I’ve seen i don’t seem to be too impressive with their long term results. Men are under the delusion that they can do every single thing optimally in their life on their own are just living in a state of delusion. Does a person who owns a restaurant  cook the food, clean the kitchen, wait the tables and organise the kitchen out? You’ll need to build a social crew thats dynamic and this will take a lot of time but it will be worth it in the long run.  
  • As I said before you will most likely gain your wingmen’s positive habits, if your wingmen are hard working you’ll be hard working, if your wingmen take risks you in turn will take risks .
  • Can be the start  of learning how to coach people. Who better to start coaching than your wingmen? If you bring the best out of your wingmen and they develop well from your guidance you could be suitable for starting to charge for coaching. 
  • Save you time , this is the most important commodity by far that you have and I’ve found my sessions with wingmen to be overall much more productive and they’ve helped me in other ways to secure lays quicker and build rapport with women faster. This overall has had a net benefit of saving me time in my life. Of course there are wingmen that do drain you of your time by turning up late.. Chatting shit, lying , backstabbing, and doing all sorts of illusive shit habits but overall your wings should causing you to be more productive and more efficient leaving you with more time to do other things that you, yourself desire and want to do with your life. 
  • Can be the start of new things for you beyond women. A lot of people you wing with can grow to be business partners , future close friends and people who you venture with to start projects out of daygame. After university finishes it can be immensely difficult to find social circles or new friends so wings can be vital in keeping your social life interesting and unique. I’ve seen many men who fall into a post university rut due to not having new friends to add to their social circle or to improve their life with. 

Things to look for in the characteristics of a good wingman:

  1. Not overweight – Think from the woman’s perspective especially when it comes to the group sets dynamic that women will often judge the way your friends are far more harshly than how you judge their friends. The reason being for this is that women want to be around cool attractive social circles. So when picking your wingman make sure he isn’t over weight or has obvious character flaws. It reflects badly on you in interactions if you’re hanging out with someone thats low value. Ideally you will want to be with wings who are in good shape and take care of their physique and health properly. This can include eating clean as well. 
  2. Poorly dressed. As with the weight issue , a poorly dressed wingman is the sign of someone with very little care or self awareness of themselves. Think about this figuratively for a minute if a woman sees you being unable to care about your appearance or the way you present yourself then she will instantly think that you’re someone who’s unable to look after her or serve as a proper partner. If you’re approaching women with someone who doesn’t give a fuck about what they’re wearing then once again it reflects badly on you. 
  3. Isn’t autistic/retarded. Again hanging out with guys who say weird shit or scare off sets by saying stupid things once again reflects badly on you . A lot of men in the Pua community have high levels of autism its advised you avoid gaming and hanging with these individuals. 
  4. Make sure that they’re proactive, you do not want to be with someone who constantly has self doubt or judgement, its not worth it. It will drain you, anyone who’s repeatedly negative is not worth your time. Neither is someone whose unhelpful and isn’t helping you out in your sets.
  5. Presents himself well on social media: As i stated before in my other guides about instagram and social media. Its important to wing with someone who takes how they present themselves on social media seriously, good pictures and an adventurous life are key to displaying sexual market value. Increase the likelihood of double dates and of girls liking them in set. Remember women often see wingmen as a reflection of you and your social circle so make sure you pick good ones who are mature and attractive. 
  6. Passionate to get good at this, they don’t necessarily have to be perfect no one is but its important that they’re out regularly and taking action far too many people in the community lounge around trying to create boring chit chat without taking any steps to get good at this , which means they’ll never be skilled at conversation or at making a good scene its a shame but  thats how most people who roll and do anything do, few can handle or persist to get good at anything and day-game is another one of those things. 
  7. Hasn’t got too many bad habits that will infiltrate and disrupt yours, i.e. he doesn’t drink excessively , doesn’t talk rubbish during interactions constantly that will put girls off, isn’t immature, is mindful of others and is genuinely a “giving person”. 
  8. Similar to the point i made before someone who’s open to meeting up people . In the long run if you’re socially proactive you’re going to need to meet people who are genuinely “people persons” 
  9. Someone who isn’t too intense. I’ve met some men who are hyper approach machines who’s over intensity can be too much to deal with for a lot of people 
  10. Doesn’t get easily frustrated , approaching is something that will be frustrating, someone with a low mental capacity for rejection and getting hated is probably not suited to doing this. Ironically I believe the better looking men on average actually take things a lot more personally than the less good looking or less accomplished men do. 

How do i know if I’m a good wingman?

  • Do you work hard in your sets? Do you open and engage people correctly? 
  • Are you well dressed mature, interesting and with enough conversation to keep things going in set for a good period of time? 
  • Are you interested in everybody and every person? You are going to have to help keep conversation going , even with the fat girls and the girls you aren’t physically attracted to in order to be a good wingman you really have to have passion for everyone you talk to. 
  • Are you consistently adding energy to the sets that you’re in? 
  • Are you pushing wings so that they can be better and enjoying themselves more?

When i started out on the day gaming journey i wasn’t doing any of this. I was simply standing there not doing anything or opening conversations. I wasn’t adding value. ONLY offer to wing when you are ADDING value to someone first. Or else you’ll come across as selfish, weak, draining and all together you will have wings flake on you. Ask yourself how many wings are coming back to work with you? How many are genuinely interested in being your long term connection or friend ? These are all reflections of your character that you should consider. Don’t be a selfish individual , make sure you’re the one bringing energy and enthusiasm  first and foremost.  It takes time to get good at day-game like anything else and there will always be people at different levels. It’s not your job to coach people but try and offer guidance whenever you can but not too much to the point where you’re essentially offering free coaching. Value your time and the things you do in life don’t stay with wingmen who you believe aren’t calibrated, are poorly dressed , aren’t giving any value but purely taking it form you. Its not worth your time to be around these people. 

Online Dating and the destruction of Male bonds and friendships

I often get caught up in debates with people online over the pros and cons of online dating. With many swearing by it and believing its the best way to meet women especially during Covid 19 . But I feel online has left a plethora of harmful side effects that will come back to haunt men in the future. Most notably the lack of real world intimacy with other men as well as women. One of the most positive aspects of online dating was that it bought men together to take action on their lives and on their problems , some of my best friends now are from day-game and those friendships even to this day still yield massive returns both in more relationships/ networking and other adventures. I wouldn’t have gotten any of this had i stuck with swiping on tinder. I believe dating apps further isolate men and can cause real long term problems which don’t serve as adequate solutions to their dating troubles. If men are stuck in their room swiping and fucking the occasional girl on tinder it isn’t leading them to come together and forming real solutions to their dating problems. Far from it, they’re just stuck in bad quality dating habits, unable to really put their neck on the line or create a true tribe of men and friendship circles that women will want to be a part of. Which is why I’m so against online, it stops men from picking up that vital skill of actually putting themselves out there which is so crucial to the development of themselves. I honestly think men would be a lot happier though the daygame and wing-manning path than from isolating tinder and hinge matches and trying to get them in bed with little else interesting to offer the women. Not to mention that day-game wings can build rapport themselves to increase the likelihood of women staying in your life. 

What to do if you enjoyed your wing manning session with someone? 

Tell them you had a good time and would like to see them again. Try and find a way where you can constantly add value to them by helping them in their group sets , pushing them into harder sets , mentoring them a bit and offering them support. Maybe seek to make the relationship deeper into a full blow friendship outside of day-game . Offering value in terms of adding them to your social circle ( a good one which has interesting and dynamic people in it) Remember that real friendships are a value exchange this is presented well in the James Marshall video “The Seductive economy” 

Start by first and foremost however by criticising yourself, was it you or was it your wing man that was making the mistakes in this session. Always criticise yourself first and argue with yourself about what you could have done to make the session more productive. Theres no point in blaming anyone else really but yourself . The action comes from you first and foremost and when you’re walking down the streets of London it should be you thats opening not anyone else really.  If you didn’t enjoy your vibe with him and you were working hard and bringing good energy and value then ditch him. You owe him nothing he’s just a guy you met online after all there will be others after him . Try and offer constructive feedback as to what you didn’t like about him and watch how he responds if he takes things personally then he’s most definitely not the wingman for you.  If you find your wing inept then just say to them that you think its best that you guys see other people its usually quite easy after one session to tell whether someone is right or not to go out with you. 

Ask yourself the following questions about your wing:  

Ask yourself did your wing help you in difficult sets or when you needed help? If he repeatedly doesn’t then it probably means he’s a selfish character or not really social enough to get the ball rolling on the difficult sets.

Was he positive and proactive or draining you with consistent questions? I meet a lot of wings who do nothing but drain, just ask questions, offer no mature value or have any real self awareness . 

Is he draining or adding? Thats the big question you gotta ask yourself, you cant keep carrying dead weight all the time its not your duty at all to do this you’re not a servant to your wings but its meant to be a value exchange in which you’re constantly helping each other. 

Did you guys cause more procrastination for one another? This is another common problem I see in wing manning that both people come together and just talk a lot rather than being proactive about the approaches and taking action which makes the situation sometimes worse than before you guys met. Try and avoid this from happening by making sure you yourself are entering difficult sets at all times and not letting the comfort of your friend cause you to not perform to your best. 

Positive Characteristics you should look out for in your wing:

If your wing shows 4 or more of these characteristics  that i have listed above then you should keep strive to keep them. Because from my experience in meeting wings online the majority of them wont be very good. Its like anything in life , there will be a percentage of people that you don’t have chemistry with and don’t vibe with. Its like dating, you go on 10 dates there might be around 7-8 of them that aren’t a good fit for you and this is fine. You cant get along with everyone in life nor should you. You should play the field and go out with as many wing men as possible to get a good feeling of who you build a bond with. This will enable you to find new friends, get a good idea of what you really want in your wingmen and build a social circle. But remember things like this take a huge amount of time to work out properly. Its not going to happen over night. Anything thats worth having in life takes time and failure to build as does with building a seductive social circle that women will want to be a part of. Think of it like building a house each person you go out with could be possible foundation, I know people from pickup forums who i met 2-3 years ago that ended up being some of my closest most valuable friends today. If you find yourself going years without making any decent wingmen or friends in the PUA community you need to really look at yourself , analyse what are you personally bringing to the table? And from that personal analysis seek to change yourself for the better so people will want to hang out with you more. 

Are your group sets hooking or getting bored of you? If they are read more books, watch more documentaries , watch  more stand up comedy shows and/or routines so you have interesting conversation to hook people with. Meditate and do yoga more this will help your mind be more in the moment and an energy and presence that people will really and truly feel. 

Are you well dressed? Be honest look in the mirror and ask “would I fuck myself?” As immature a question as this is you need to present yourself well for girls to win trust with you and for your wingmen to win trust in you as well. A poorly dressed/poorly groomed individual looks like he doesn’t care about life and will lose trust in his wingmen and women around him. 

Do you have hobbies and are interesting? If not then get some 🙂 

Are you part of an interesting social circle that can add value ? 

Do you have skills and interests that are captivating enough to add value to a social circle that you’re in? I once winged with a saxophone player who was able to get me on the guest list to major clubs in London because he’d played at them before. This is an example of adding value based on the skills you have. If you have high level values and skills , show case them and give to your circle remember it should always be you giving first if you can, if you see that a person is worth while holding and keeping into your circle then seek to help them in ever which way you can. This said saxophone player also drove a very nice convertible and used it to help drive my second ever day-game lay straight back to my house for me . I returned the favour my letting him use the spare room in my house  for him to use to fuck his girls in . This sort of exchange can help build a friendship over time and build rapport more easily with women. That one wing had done more for me in terms of getting laid than any of my friends at university did. Shows the strength that good wingmen can add to your arsenal. 

What if the person who I’m winging has more value than me? I’ve been around a lot of wings who’ve had more value than me and thats ok. As long as you systematically think of a way in which you can add value in them in return. For example i had a close friendship with 3 wingmen who were all high achieving impressive individuals, on a business and entrepreneurial level I was unable to add any real value to them but i made sure on their birthdays that i got them special presents. One of them was Ghanian and into history so i bought him a book about African politics, he was also into tech and  ai so i bought him a book about the future of Ai. This shows that you value your wings beyond daygame, that you value their friendships beyond simple chasing of women and making the gifts and contributions more personal shows you care about the individual. it also leaves opportunity for that person to be in your social circle for a longer period of time and they will be more likely to return favours to you in the future. In a more simple way you can add value to your wings by bringing a load of energy in field and ensuring to wingmen them at any given opportunity. I once was invited to a house party by a high valued social circle, there was little I could do to add value however i bought a girl a long who I had no feelings for the owner of  the house party fucked her. I was pretty satisfied after that night we went and enjoyed a club night together which i got free entry to and was invited out to future parties in which i was able to contribute to by bringing women i’d seduced from Daygame. Again it’s important to think about a value exchange between those who you really want to keep in your social circle I made sure that the owner of this said house party knew I had at least some seductive skills because I was able to contribute to the party with a girl , I wasn’t some random immature lonely “pua” as a lot of people from forums can be. I was able to actually contribute with something dynamic and real. 

Problems I see with wingmen today in London Day-game: 

  • Immature wingmen who offer little in conversation skills 
  • Poor Dress and grooming which will lead to more blow outs in the long run.
  • Not pushing into hard challenging sets. 
  • Takes criticism too personally and gets reactive when you criticise them. It’s important for anyone who’s into improving themselves in day-game to be open minded about their strengths and weaknesses. 
  • Critiques you but doesn’t take any action himself . See this a lot with wingmen on forums and chat groups. Constantly criticising and mocking others but not actually taking actions themselves. These people are to be avoided in the long term as they’re most likely delusional. 
  • Complete Inaction and overanalyses coming from wings, remember day-game is fundamentally about taking action and getting shit done, if a wing is overthinking and not doing anything then you will inherit his bad habits. 
  • Autism and a complete lack of self awareness or maturity. Some people in this community are severely autistic and really won’t be of any use in daygaming with. Their lack of self awareness and complete stupidity may see their value to be less than 0 and should be avoided. 
  • So into “self development” that there is no actual self development happening. 
  • “RSD fanboys” that watch all the videos but have too much personal pride to ever do an approach, the day-game community is full of people who want to look cool, look like they never fail etc. But when push comes to shove there’s no real action or open mindedness there. There’s just fear of failure and try hard attempts to “look cool” 
  • People with confidence issues and over analytical minds. 
  • An aura of self entitlement purely because they approached, seen a number of wings get frustrated and angry very easily at  even the slightest rejections. 
  • People who study too much and have no self awareness of how to implement ideas properly. People who read a lot, watch a lot, but when push comes to shove they do next to nothing in field. 
  • Men who cant deal with the actual responsibility of relationships. This is an interesting one but I find that many wings actually blow themselves out or prevent themselves from acquiring any real true relationships it’s a huge shame but many men are actually so use to failure in this area of their lives that when successes come they self sabotage and ruin it for themselves. It’s a sad reality but it’s sort of our habitual nature as human beings to sometimes act this way. Similarly dealing with the expectations on date’s of having to act charismatic and having to bring something to the table in terms of dynamism or interest seems a bit too much for a lot of men who would prefer to be at the pub with their friends or watching sports than deal with responsibilities of women. I’ve personally found that dealing with the success of daygame to be a lot harder than dealing with the failures.
  • Wingmen who burn out due to being unable to manage the workload – this is something i saw in me when i started game and during my day-game career. But i also see it as a problem with day gamers and wings 2-3 months into their day-game careers. Men who are unable to deal with the mental drain of approaching women , the emotions involved of managing numerous different relationships  which can be extremely burdensome for men especially for new day gamers who are not used to this phenomenon of having to date many different individuals and dealing with the insecurities and emotions of the women themselves. Dating is hard, its tiring , it’s confusing and so much random shit can happen at any time so you should be prepared for a lot of failure. Sadly a lot of Daygamers cant deal with the mental drain and you’ll find some mentally aren’t cut out to do it repeatedly. 

Good wingmaning in field: 

Great video from TNL:

Do the hard sets, do the groups that test you and make you strong, you’ll feel happier at the end of the day knowing you did something that well and truly tested your social calibration skills. 

Pre-Approach: Decide which one is going in first and open up first with one person going in. Don’t go two or three at a time over a group it can look a bit like a mugging go slow and calibrated instead. If the women are hooking for 1-2 minutes  then join in.

Things to do in set: 

A decent wingmanning video can be watched on TNL video here: 

  • Always give energy to the whole group never make any girl feel like they’re left out . 
  • Even if you’re winging a fat , unattractive girl make sure you’re still giving her interest and passion the same you would do for someone that you’re interested in , its vital. You must spread positivity in your set even if you don’t like them.
  • Make sure you close the girl you want and the wing closes the other girl , even if you’re not interested in the girl you’re winging you must still close her you don’t want to make her feel left out. If she feels left out she’s likely to say to her friend “ don’t text him he’s a dick” 

Things not to do with your wingmen :

  • Walk excessively without approaching anyone, then this really becomes a walk in the park with friends rather than a day-game  session.
  • Wait for them for ages when they’re in set. Come on he’s a grown man he can look after himself its your job to be proactive and approach other sets. 
  • Drain him with excessive questions and rubbish that isn’t worth talking about, don’t wear out your friends they don’t deserve it ! 

Post set: 

  • Try and give each other feedback , praise first before critiquing
  • Keep on approaching with huge effort and energy try not to let the positives or negatives of the previous approach get too much to you.  Some men get over excited when they get numbers or Instagrams which causes them to lose focus. Whereas others let rejection to them so much that they just kill the day with negativity. 

Ways to meet Daygamers: 

Posting for wings can be done on the following two forums, i’ve met men through all three , simply post a passionate message looking for mature wingmen and 

  • Pua forums: Simple Pickup forum- This is highly internationally recognised (although is currently down at time of writing) 
  • interestingly ive met my most interesting wingmen through forums these seem to be the most seriously dedicated and mature men. 
  • Telegram RSD Chat – probably the most effective way to find wings although many can be of poor quality. There are also a good number of fake individuals here who seem to talk the talk but never walk the walk .  Try not to immerse yourself in discussions too much. Your time is precious and shouldn’t be spent trying to convince some noob end in their mother’s basement on your opinions on day-game or relationship dynamics. Getting into spats online is just a waste of your mental energy so try and avoid too much conversation and try and see who’s being proactive and taking action. You can only solve this issue by taking action yourself  in the first place of course and “leading” others to do so with you. 
  • SoSauve Forum –  This was the forum that got Rollo Tommasi his fame in the book The Rational Male Although this is far more international than that tend to be more localised to the UK .  Be aware that in certain muslim countries sosauve forum is actually blocked I was actually denied access to it while travelling in Kazakstan  . 
  • If you watch and see someone else stopping a girl on a street and you liked his approach go and speak to him be upfront with him about what you liked. Make sure you add value to him first by giving him honest compliments and ask in a forward manner to exchange numbers. 

Meetup groups: Tom Torrero Frequently holds meet up groups that he talks about in his podcasts as do other London Puas like James Tusk . 

Further Commitment with your wingmen : 

Gaming Trips: Before you commit to a gaming trip make sure you’ve at least had 10 or so days out with your wingmen before committing to a gaming holiday. This will be a great way to enhance your relationship with your wing and you’ll be able to pickup on his good and bad habits that can make you realise whether he’s worth of starting a hustle house with or not. Be sure to pick someone who’s open to new things , who can offer value and insight . Make sure you bring a top quality camera and take photos of one another to enhance your Instagram profiles and show off your value to women.  I recommend low investment gaming trips to begin with to a nearby city or country. If you’re UK based a trip to Ukraine or Albania will be very cheap and affordable to do so if things were to go wrong it wouldn’t matter that much as the trip wont have cost much to begin with. Only after you’ve built some long term trust with your wingmen should you big longer distance areas and more expensive holidays like to South East Asia etc. 

Hustle Houses 

Having a hustle house is a great option but make sure before you choose your wings carefully. Make sure you’ve spent time gaming with your wings for at least a month to get to know their flaws and their strengths. Its important you find someone you vibe with well , who girls enjoy being around . Remember women will judge your friends almost as much as they judge you. Make sure you’re loyal to those wingmen who you choose to room with in the same way that they should be loyal to you. Hustle Houses can make maintaining good daygaming habits a lot easier to do and will make your daygaming journey altogether more efficient.  Maybe start off with a day-game holiday first to see if you can cope with your close day gamers habits first. Don’t rush into a flat share with some random chode from a Pua forum you really need to pick your team wisely and take your time deciding who’s good to commit to. 

Tips for a good Hustle house: 

  • Make sure you can absolutely trust the  wingmen you are with. I’ve said this twice and repeated it but its just really important. You don’t want fights , conflicts over girls etc. to occur a few months down the line. 
  • Pick a good location one which you’re near to areas of large footfall for example in London somewhere near Soho will be a good idea.  This will avoid procrastination that comes with moving to desired daygaming spots. 
  • Make sure the house is clean and tidy at all times. 
  • Make sure the house is stacked with food, wine and other alcohol for potential same day lays and parties . 
  • Make sure your wingmen have good conversation skills and are genuinely “people person’s” this is probably the most important thing to have in a good wingman. You don’t want your girl or her friends to be put off by retarded things that you and your wingmen are saying to them. You want to make sure that your wingmen are providing mature conversation as women will often judge your friends in a similar way to how they judge you. They don’t want to date someone who has loser friends. 

Things to do to enhance your hustle house’s relationship with your wingmen 

  • buy birthday presents for your wingmen to show you appreciate their value – this may seem like I’m joking or being childish but showing appreciation to your wingmen is crucial for maintaining a proper friendship and relationship with them. 
  • Cook for them occasionally 
  • Contribute to their parties they host by bringing a camera to take pictures or alcohol or something which they will appreciate / bring women along to prevent said parties from turning into a cock fest. 
  • Show respect towards their woman, never insult your wingmen in front of their women
  • Obviously never hit on a wingman’s girl. 
  • Be clean and show strong habits that can improve day-game regular meditation and yoga being two i love to do. 
  • Always try and add comfort by listening and being attentive to your wing’s women. Add maturity to the situation by asking questions to her and showing respect towards your friend in-front of her. 

Good quality wingmen last a life time most women ultimately won’t 

This is one thing I’ve certainly noticed having done day-game for a period of 3-4 years. Women will come and go especially in busy cities like London which has many tourists and students coming in and out of it all the time . Building a solid social base is crucial and much more sustainable than relying on women to for fill that with you especially as overtime these women will have different goals and aspirations as you. I’ve held at kept a good decent 10-15 wingmen in my social circle through time and this has been vital to my growth as a human being and honestly the new friendships I’ve made from doing this have been far more valuable than the women themselves that I’ve met. The men themselves have definitely added more long term value to my life than the women have and this has made me realise the importance of a good , strong social circle hence why I wrote this guide. 


The ideal self help guy , as James Marshall put It in his speech “The Tim Ferris” Fan boy is one who is constantly obsessed about being the best person he can be, optimising his health , smashing it in business dating relationships, working out at the gym , eating 2 grass fed steaks, working 12 hours, then learning languages for 2 more hours , then learning to paint for another 1 hour before optimally approaching 5.6 girls and doing it all on his own before going to bed thinking he can constantly do this for the rest of his life without getting worn out. As I’ve said before this is an unrealistic goal yet one many men try to reach for some reason, maybe its an ego thing maybe its a negative by product of excess self help reading but nonetheless its a byproduct and it seems to be ever present in our society of self help gurus that really think we can work 20 hours a day by ourselves and achieve everything all at once its laughable the amount of men who honestly think this to be the case . I don’t blame them, i blame their lack of self awareness when they grow up. As we are not told about these things at all, I blame self help books a lot and see them as a forefront of the issue of our lives. All in all i just want to say to people reading this that i hope you’ve decided to go out and make some friends who have the same mission as you whether that be in seduction or something else. Having strong responsible men around you makes everything in life just a whole lot easier and saves you a huge amount of time and effort. 

 A lot of wingmen suck but that’s life, a lot of people suck at a lot of things. A lot of bankers suck, a lot of teachers suck, politicians bar maybe a few in Iceland suck hopefully after reading this you’ll be inspired to find some girls who suck 😉 just kidding . On a serious note my journey getting into this was a tough one as the first 8 wingmen I met were extremely weird, not very social , didn’t have much going on in their lives and were extremely toxic. It was only until six months in my journey that i actually found wingmen that were worth hanging around with long term and many of them became some of my best friends. The thing as I’ve said before and ill repeat again this shit is hard and you cant do it all on your own. You will need support to do well in this because no one can do it on their own… well a few can but most I’ve seen that have garnered long term genuine success did it because they were part of a team. it can be frustrating gaming with people who have no social awareness, or any self awareness about how they act or offer value to people. Indeed this has been a frustration of game has been meeting too many people who were totally inept at offering any value to women or to their wings and of course its frustrating being around these people but you gotta go through it. Finding wingmen is almost the same as finding good quality women to date there are loads that aren’t good enough, loads that wont like you or wont vibe with you but in the long run you’ll find those who are worth it and who make everything seem worth it in the long run. 

Additional Recommendations: 

DJ Fuji 21 Convention speeches :

James Marshall 21 Convention Speeches:

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