Mindful Masculinity

Disclaimer: I am not a coach and I am not selling any dating products or services – I am simply a relationship blogger based in London but spend the bulk of my time in London and South of France/Cannes area or San Fransisco/Dallas if you are based in any of these areas feel free to network by emailing me at darrenpua1@gmail.com

My dating life changed a lot for the better around late 2017 when I started daygame- however I wasted an immaculate amount of time  in my dating life not doing the thirteen following things which really koed my dating life and set me back a lot . 

• Delaying finding good wingmen: I began my daygame journey around 2018 after graduating university  in 2014 . During this time I was immensely shy when it came to networking with other wingmen who could push me to the next level and help my daygame. It was essential for finding some people on the same path as me as none of my school or university friends had any interest in daygame . For me I felt isolated and needed a new group around me and was very scared of making new friends as I felt that daygame was creepy – or that daygamers themselves were “incels” and “freaks” . Finally three years later after my first pua pickup meet-up  in mid 2014  I met loads of people on Pua forums in real life and the now defunct simple pickup forum and eventually my daygame skills improved. I believe surrounding myself with like minded individuals was key to my progress as a better daygamer and I had I not found likeminded wingmen I’d probably have had a fraction of the success that I did have. 

• Playing “Too hard to get” or trying to copy “players” and “chads” . The rare occasions women were into me I wasn’t proactive enough. I had some opportunities with women who were beautiful which I didn’t capitalise on because I was too used to rejection or I tried to be a laid back “make them chase you” sort of guy which wasn’t a good idea. Eventually women took this as me being disinterested and they subsequently lost interest in me and once a woman loses interest in you its very hard to regain it.  Make sure when someone is interested in you you show them respect and work hard to date them well and create a romantic experience otherwise you may end up missing out on good experiences due to your own lack of effort . 

• Not being proactive and working hard enough to approach more – I was born and raised  in London which is a city  full of women  and I didn’t really capitalise this until my late 20s . So from the day I was born till age 26 I didn’t work hard  at all  to integrate in the mad city I was in both in terms of finding wingmen and meeting women . This was a pretty wasted opportunity and Im sure there are many men reading this that also feel that they’re wasting good opportunities go out there and make the best of life now don’t wait and procrastinate as time is of the essence. Being in a good position and having high smv isn’t enough- being proactive and using 

• Consuming too much porn, alcohol ,fast food- this was a big problem when I moved to university at 18. I wasn’t looking after myself or my testosterone levels and my health this resulted in huge health and mental  problems that were difficult to eradicate when I was at university . Porn addiction itself ruined the lust for real women and caused me to be disinterested in some attractive women that were into me this pretty much prolonged the maintenance of my virginity as I was unable to capitalise on some rare occasions when women at university were actually into me- it also caused me to be very lazy in terms of approaching and being proactive  .  Alcohol was another big problem which caused erectile  dysfunction for me on the occasions which I was successful at night game . It also disrupted my sleep and – particularly wheat based alcohols like beer are associated with diminishing testosterone.  Fast-food and general unhealthy living resulted in poor mood and demotivation for me – I found that once I cut out all the junk I had greater mental clarity and more self awareness. 

• Letting one off bad social situations stick with me for long periods of time. This was a big one for me that damaged my social skills at school and my social development university. Whenever I had a rejection I took it incredibly personally for weeks on end . Whenever I had an awkward social setting I also took it very personally for example in university I joined one club which wasn’t very enjoyable and as a result I decided to join any more clubs as a result for two years letting a one off situation really affect me for a prolonged period of time. If you have a shit social interaction – move on if you have a shitty or awkward social event move on and maintain your activity don’t let the failures get to you. Of course as humans rejection and failure hurts so its normal to feel stressed or unappreciated just make sure you bounce back – getting hardworking wingmen who are persistent and work hard is the easiest way to help bounce back from the mental strain of failure. 

• Not reading and learning enough in my teens and early twenties- I started my daygame journey around age 20 after watching Simple Pickup videos after that I did a hell of a lot of night game when I was better off really doing daygame as that got me less flakes. Even so I didn’t really read or have enough value to converse with women  outside the club as well as I spent my years between 13-18 doing very little. My bad habits of the past had caught up with me and It made making conversation with women tough for me in my early 20s luckily as I ramped up life experience and did more interesting things this became less of a problem. 

• Not switching to daygame earlier enough. Compared to online and night game daygame had by far the least amount of flakes . For me when I was in my early 20s and late teen years daygame was just too much of a big jump for me psychologically- I wasted a lot of time approaching the same women in night game at university which ultimately took a toll on my health and lead to a lot of flakes and very little results. I was entirely dependant on a very small social circle for my success which was suffocating as none of the women in said social circle were into me. Daygame was freedom and independence from this claustrophobic environment  that is online and night game . It was also a lot better for my mental and emotional wellbeing than night game and online game was . 

• Not being self aware of other cultures and countries. I had it  pretty bad growing up in London and Nice/Cannes  in the South of France – despite the luxuries of these places it made for a fiercely competitive dating market and I suffered badly when I was young . I felt overwhelmed by the competition in my teen years and always felt left out of social events. I went to a private school with a lot of talented sporty men from wealthy families which left me feeling excluded.  This exclusion led to a huge loss of confidence in me. Had I traveled earlier to different countries where my SMV would be more respected perhaps I’d had gained more confidence and better relationships early on and wouldn’t have lived such a lonely life in my early twenties in a competitive city like London – of course the other big contributing  factor  in my hobbies was my lack of hobbies/ interests/ self awareness and poor fitness which  too caused the lack of interest from other women to begin with . 

• Not going to the gym earlier – I was a very thin and scrawny dude back in my early teens – compared to now I still am relatively scrawny compared to most but I’ve at least put on a decent amount of muscle since my early teens and look somewhat decently attractive compared to my horror show in my early teens. 

• Obsessing over certain day game coaches for no real reason. This was a big problem of mine as my emotional maturity and critical thinking skills were very much woeful . I would idolise coaches like the Simple Pickup crew or Rollo Tomassi without really analysing what was good or bad about them. There’s positives and negatives about every coach out there. But you should never really “idolise” anyone coach based on their dating philosophies. It ended up turning me into an arrogant dick who’d just shill the same rehashed information without really thinking about it properly. Don’t be afraid of criticising your dating coach or the people you idolise. Its your job to think critically and analytically in all aspects of your life in particularly dating – you should develop your own philosophies based on your dating objectives and your own experiences and not purely be reliant on a coach to shill you their’s because often they’re trying to sell you a product or service which may not be sufficient for you or maybe entirely irrelevant for your dating purposes. 

• Not looking after the way I dress. With dress there’s no excuses you need to dress well its one of the quickest ways to boost your SMV . Remember fashion is one of the biggest first  impressions you make on people so make sure you have well fitting clothes – of course you’ll need a good physique and not to be fat.  When I was at university women used to mock my dress- it was a real turn off – at school I thought nice clothes were for rich suckers. Looking back I really regret this , had I dressed a little bit better maybe at university and high school I’d have had a few more opportunities. 

• Being a selfish networker- When I started daygame I was a very selfish individual not looking out for my wingmen’s needs .Make sure when you do daygame you help your wingmen in set- be a good person to the dating community – Ive been a relationship two years now but I still just write a free blog to give back to what’s left for the community. I see it important to give back because there were a lot of people who helped me starting out . Read the wingmanning guide here where all my tips are listed in regards to being a good wingman :  https://mindful-masculinity.org/2020/10/17/the-importance-of-good-wingman-to-those-starting-out-on-their-seduction-journey/

• Not looking after my testosterone enough- at university I suffered from real poor heath due to my diet , my testosterone was low due to the lack of sunlight exposure, alcohol , poor diet and vitamin deficiencies . Consuming the right supplements like organ meat supplementation, good quality zinc, getting sunlight, avoiding alcohol, stopping porn – helped to really  boost my sex drive. Please please please do not jerk off before a date or pick up session it will absolutely destroy your drive and motivation to meet women.  
• Not looking after my social media profiles- When I started night game and consistent approaching I made the mistake of having a dire facebook and instagram profile full of boring pictures. This ended up resulting in a lot of flakes as I was unable to portray value or any excitement to women through my pictures- read the social media guide for more info: https://mindful-masculinity.org/2020/10/18/the-complete-instagram-and-social-media-guide-for-dating-and-relationships/