Mindful Masculinity

oaklandgary12@gmail.com thanks – Article Written by Gary Oakland

Writing a review of a dead 21 Convention speaker is pretty tough – of course, the arguments I make critiquing their viewpoints cannot be countered because they are essentially dead. Some things in this book have aged well; others have aged very, very badly.

For starters, the argument “bad times create strong men, weak men create bad times” is a saying that’s passed around a lot in the manosphere – another self-help quote that people use to bolster masculinity and feel good about themselves. The reality is it doesn’t make sense. There are many countries that have been stuck in hard times, and men have capitulated or turned to pure despair – for example, the nation-states of Venezuela and Somalia. These nation-states have hard times, and the men then suffer from malnutrition. In fact, men born in poverty are statistically more likely to stay in poverty in the Western world. This lust for hard times making us strong actually doesn’t stand up upon basic examination. Good times lead to more economic opportunities and a stronger statistical likelihood of upward mobility, which the author conveniently ignores. What are we to define as a “hard time” or an “easy time”? From a dating perspective, the majority of my wingmen who succeeded were men from “easy times,” middle to upper classes, who were able to have more mental clarity, stronger interactions for dating women, and more wealth for dates, etc. In contrast, my working-class wingmen have struggled with alcoholism, gambling, and health/weight issues. For many of them, hard times made things worse. There is also no real classification of what a “hard time” is or what a “good time” is. By Stefan Aarnio’s vague definition, we could all benefit from being stuck in Mogadishu or Darfur because that would make us “strong,” and we shouldn’t live in the luxuries of the Western world at all because that would make us weak. You see the problem here – it’s all too vague, as is the problem with many self-help books.

Stefan Aarnio also suggests he is self-made from nothing – that isn’t true. His mother was earning $80k a year back in 1980, and his father was on $30k a year. By my definitions, that’s far from working class. This is a middle-class man who moved to the upper class by selling property courses and high-ticket coaching, similar to Siam Kidd – he is not a unique entrepreneur by any means. It seems as though he coaches himself by buying high-ticket coaching and makes money by selling high-ticket coaching. I’ve seen a lot of people like this, and they’re not unique by any means. Stefan says, “men that lie are unmanly,” but Stefan lies a lot here in this book, both about himself and about Donald Trump and Bill Gates – again, another untrustworthy self-help guru.

This book seems to be a combination of 8-9 other self-help books strung together, and there are very few unique thoughts from him himself. It seems to be a combination of Rollo Tomassi’s The Rational Male, Jack Donovan’s The Way of Men, Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers, and Think and Grow Rich, even quoting Jordan Belfort’s The Wolf of Wall Street at one point. The problem is that very few of these philosophies are unique to Stefan alone; he’s simply a salesman who has read 10-20 self-help books, taken the best parts of these simplistic ideas, and put them into oversimplified conclusions.

For example, when he talks about dating, he asserts that pickup artists are broken men and that their pursuit of women usually leads to sad endings for themselves, either in death or spiritual reform. This is true in some cases.

Times when this was true:

• Tom Torero – Committed suicide; his sex addiction could have been seen as a contributing factor, as he had a history of depression and anxiety prior to pickup.
• Sasha Daygame – Had a spiritual awakening after overdoing pickup and then quit.
• Roosh V – Had a successful career as a pickup artist and then became a strict Christian. It’s unknown whether his pickup artistry career contributed to this, but he did suffer the death of his brother.
• Johnny Berba – Committed suicide after 10 or so years of being a life coach, coaching men to approach women. However, he also had a tormented childhood similar to Sasha and Tom; he suffered from mental illness before his pickup career.

Correlation doesn’t equal causation, and even in these instances where pickup artistry was seen as responsible for these characters’ downfalls, there were other contributing factors. Stefan could try to balance the argument by including successful pickup artists on the list:

• Liam Mcrae – An Australian pickup artist who ended up marrying a supermodel.
• James Marshall – Married and divorced but ended up with a multinational business.
• Dj Fuji – An American pickup artist who is in a full-time relationship thanks to approaching women.
• Tony Solo – An African American pickup artist who ended up marrying.
• Paul Janka – A successful pickup artist who bedded 300 women and ended up marrying and having a family.

Not all pickup artists have bad endings, and it’s arguable that at least in their performances of pickup artistry, many of these people on the list had deep, intimate relationships as a result of approaching women. However, this doesn’t fit Stefan’s narrative; he simply uses Neil Strauss’s life as an example, but I was always under the impression that that guy was gay anyway, who took advantage of a fashionable trend to make book sales.

Stefan Aarnio then tells men to ignore women and focus on making money and work. This may work for some, but for a lot of lonely men out there, the feeling of loneliness and not being in a relationship can harm productivity. Of course, it’s a man’s job to make the first move and approach women. If they don’t, chances are they won’t be able to date well in this world, which creates its own problems in the long run. The book’s lack of bite is really on display here. Does Stefan have a solution for men who struggle to date? There are plenty of men who are on their purpose, who work a lot, make good money, and are lonely—my brothers were two examples of this— which is why simply ignoring women doesn’t work. It can actually exacerbate the problem and lead to a lack of dating options and experience, which is necessary for eventually marrying a good woman. Stefan’s solution is “to marry a good woman but ignore women and focus on work and making money.” This requires the woman to hit on you, which is a very low-probability outcome. In my entire life, I’ve been hit on maybe four times, and they were all by women I didn’t find attractive. It’s not a good strategy; don’t do it, as it may lead you down a very lonely road.

Stefan also claims that the secret behind Israel’s great success was the religion of Judaism. This seems again like some half-baked idea from a Daily Wire podcast, more than his own actual critical thought process. A lot of Israel’s success stems from donations from the U.S.—the most basic argument that Stefan chooses to omit. He then says immigrants in the Middle East want to come to the West because the economy is better, ignoring the fact that dollar debasement in countries like Syria, Iraq, and Lebanon is destroying these economies. The dollar standard itself represses all poorer nations, which seeks to move to countries with stronger currencies. Also, extreme income inequality, like in places such as Saudi Arabia, where power is so heavily concentrated among a few people, represses the majority. These individuals waste money on vanity projects like players’ salaries in the Saudi Pro Football League and vanity projects like NEOM. Additionally, America-backed Israel is the cause of a lot of the wars and tension in the region, but Stefan never blames them; instead, he just says that the way of life is what people want, ignoring the wars in the Middle East themselves.

He also appears to promote semen retention, crediting it to his success in writing books and being creative. For me, semen retention makes it difficult to focus. Other dating coaches, like Liam Mcrae BroadingSea, have noted that semen retention isn’t beneficial. I believe it’s just trash that Napoleon Hill made up. As for helping Aarnio to write better, well, I don’t think it made him write well or be creative, seeing as this book is just a combination of quotes from 10-15 other self-help books. Very few of the ideas in this book are credited to himself directly; it’s really hard to find any.

He also credits Donald Trump as self-made, despite the fact that he started with $100 million from his father and got into New York real estate after selling out to the Zionists. Trump’s relationship with Epstein is ignored by Stefan throughout the book. Yup, ignore the pedophilia your idol has committed—that’s fine.

He appears to hate travel despite traveling himself to Costa Rica to fast and calm the mind. He then credits this as helping his creativity, which is borderline hypocritical. He berates men who want to travel, saying they should focus on just working all the time and not on women. Never mind the fact that this could lead to a lifetime of stress and loneliness. His promotion of fasting seems excessive; bear in mind that he thought he’d cured his cancer after a fast, when in fact he simply had not. Fasting can be dangerous for a lot of people, and it’s not universally useful to every human. I believe he overemphasizes its importance. For me, fasting just caused me to lose excessive body weight and look unwell—it didn’t really cleanse my mind or boost me in any way. It could be his belief in working hard and his drive to see that fasting cures all that could have ultimately led to what killed him. He’s dead now, of course, and can’t acknowledge this, but he is “dead proof” that his ideas of fasting for curing cancer, at least in his case, didn’t work. The unhealthy, excessive hard-working lifestyle may have contributed to him getting cancer in the first place.

There are some good points in this book, however—most notably on porn addiction and video games. They are a drain on young men, and I appreciate that fact; they have definitely damaged relationships and male/female sexual dynamics. I believe more so that, on top of this, online dating has created a huge imbalance and damaged relationships between the two sexes. Stefan has no real solution to this other than guiding men on their purpose and using semen retention, but these ideas pale compared to what has happened in the online dating scene. Post-Stefan’s death, the rise of TikTok and Instagram has driven the inequality in the sexual marketplace deeper, with women garnering more and more power. I’m not bitter; it’s just what it is. Some technological innovations benefit one gender and crush the other, and in the case of online dating, it has obliterated the value of the average man and skyrocketed women’s status.

Stefan doesn’t seem to take much issue with this, but he should if he is indeed giving dating advice to the masses. He believes this “tough time” for men will just lead to good times, but I don’t see a reversal. If anything, everything has gotten worse since Aarnio’s death. The situation has not improved, and there’s no going back. Women aren’t going to give up their gender and their sexual market value by ditching the apps, TikTok, and OnlyFans—why would they surrender their cash flow in the name of fairness? The hyper-capitalism of the dating market is what’s destroying it, and it’s sure to continue.

His point on currency devaluation in relationship to gold since the 1960s is also interesting, but rising real estate prices are in part due to real estate gurus like Stefan hogging supply—selling to foreign nationals who bring their own ideologies to these nations, which governments and realtors don’t care about as long as they pump their own bags. Overpriced real estate is a contributing factor to the struggles of the working class in America today. Is he part of the problem and won’t admit it? Most likely.

He looks at Donald Trump, Bill Gates, et al. as self-made billionaires and great people—ignoring the damage Bill Gates has done with his vaxxxxines, glyphosate, GMO crops, his push for digital IDs, and forcing people to put poison in their arms to satisfy billionaires’ commands. Donald Trump, who belongs to Israel, and Bill Gates, who is just a bad human; if he were alive now, maybe he’d change his mind—in fairness, he died before the Epstein files were released. But really, he should have the common sense and self-awareness to know that these guys suck donkey balls. Then there’s Jordan Belfort, who manipulated and scammed many—just throw in a quote from him for good measure. Having seen the damage sales cults can do to people, I think it’s evident from the information provided in this book that Stefan clearly is in charge of a sales cult.

A potential Scamming History 

The 21 convention speech itself its a field of cringe it starts with a sentanec “buy my sales course bro its not a scam and if you think its a scam you’re a scam”. This is self help sales guruiship that a salesman like Siam Kidd would be proud of . If you question me as a scammer then you’re the scammer could be seen as more of a admission of guilt then anything else. Why Anthony Dream Johnson agreed to invite someone with such a sketchy past is questionable.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Winnipeg/comments/lvps7r/done_business_with_blackcardu_attend_a_blackcardu/

I mean even the name “blackcard university” is just questionable  – classic case of a sales guru selling high ticket courses who learnt to sell the high ticket courses buy buying a high ticket course himself. No unique ideas just knowing how to make cults and sell the dream to desperate suckers. 

One point I’d agree on is hiring a mentor- I learnt languages faster hiring a 1 on 1 mentor than simply going to school – I agree with Stefan that the schooling system is outdated, slow and inefficient that goes with the majority of university courses too. He’s right in this regard – also the muslim immigration in Europe and the fact that certain ethnic minorities in Europe, America and Canada is causing the destruction from this – but who is responsible? Is it the jewish NGOS who want to flood our countries with third worlders , the greedy coroporations who want the cheaper h1b1 South Asian workers  and so lobby for these applications to go through ahead of the natives. He doesn’t elabroate on the ideas because if he did he would expose the people (Trump)  or nation states ( Israel)  that are at least partly responsible for these problems and that free market capitalism and the consolidation of power also contributes to this societal decline  . Example real estate developers sell property to any culture – it might be middle eastern muslims, Chinese, Indians, Albanians they don’t give a fuck they just sell to the highest bidder to get the real estate profit the result is a societal decline look at areas in  Stefan’s native Canada in Vancouver where property gets hoovered up by Chinese in the end these become ghost towns as people keep these properties empty and prices rise and there’s no demand to sell the result is a bubble fuelled by economies in Asia which have higher proportions of millionaires and billionaires like China , Qatar, UAE  Saudi Arabia , Russia,  Iran et  al. which causes higher housing prices in the Western Cities most notably Vancouver , Toronto , San Fransisco and London again Stefan just doesn’t discuss this but I believe the real estate industry , investment visas etc. are part of the problem. There’s no real proactive solutions for these problems just the “hard times are coming” and that all make everything good again but from what covid has shown inequality just continues to grow in the world economic system today and those who have the power will use the mass media to control to greater increase their wealth and influence like Bill Gates did during Covid. 

Stefan argues that the biggest problem in the western world today is atheism I’d argue against that – religion is a represser of the working class , it divides people and causes a lot of societal harm just look at the pedophiles in the catholic church, Brunei banning Christmas  or the reduction of the age of marriage in Iraq for example . Ironically Stefan really fails to grasp the actual things in the modern world that are causing an actual repression of masculinity. For example blue light toxicity causing men to have lower testosterone , plastic BPAs, emf radiation damaging sperm, lack of sunlight and bad modern diets are all contributors to men being emasculated that are actually backed by science – yet Stefan goes into none of these – not to mention social media addiction which should be up there with porn and gaming.

 I do agree with him that comfort in of itself causes a lot of problems , the argument of wealth lasting two generations two is one that I’ve definitely resonated with but its not a very expanded upon argument, its simply there for a few lines then disappears much like a lot of the arguments in this book do

Concluding Thoughts

In the end I don’t see anything unique about this book – Its merely as I have said repeatedly a combination of other self help books mish mashed together – for every 1 good Idea there is 4-5 poorly thought out ones – even the good ideas aren’t really properly expanded upon and lack directions. The poor ones are even more one dimensional and easy to dissect but that’s the underlying problem of many self help gurus or people who write self help books many are simply a jack of all trades master of nothing types – they don’t know enough about politics , economics , history to make real proper fully organised arguments. Stefan’s past was questionable, a sales cult high ticket course seller is already a questionable past but this book further rectifies he’s nothing unique. A self help guru raised on self help books , half baked ideas and self help quotes that bear no real world application and arguments that offer very little solutions to the modern world and sometimes miss the issue altogether . Its just too much of a mish mash with no real identity – even the book cover itself looks like a stereotypical self help guru sales book with little uniqueness . Ironically Stefan complains of the “sameness between women and men” but he himself suffers from the “sameness between him and other self help gurus” if you read the likes of ” The Rational Male,Outliers, the way of the superior man , think and grow rich you will unlikely find anything new here there’s nothing else unique about this or Stefan’s entrepreneurship or “innovated” writing style- its all be done before. I see him as a sales guru who overworked himself was over confident in the wrong ideas about health quite clearly and as a result is now dead . According to Stefan we should work 20 hours a day, 10,000 hours , not date women and wait for them to come to us, never travel just work no one needs to travel, never date just work , embrace the pain because that’s when strong men come even though Stefan’s pain in his life ultimately killed him , we should also fast , if you come from a family worth $100million you’re self made- if your parents earn $110k a year you’ve come from nothing etc. you catch my drift these are all notions with no real back bone yet they unfortunately last throughout the book.

Score: 3/10