Mindful Masculinity

Disclaimer: I am not a dating coach nor am I selling any dating products or services this blog is really for recreational usage to reflect on my previous experiences in daygame and to share my insight. For those wondering I am based in London/Nice/San Fransisco so for those who want to network in the future please email darrenpua1@gmail.com thanks

Going into this book for anyone who has been following the 21 convention or any of PUA developments between 2011- 2020 its indisputable to measure the about of influence James Marshall has had on pretty much the entire industry . His 21 convention speeches remain the best that I’ve seen on dating and seduction- he appears a much more well rounded and mature individual than the London daygame crew : Nick Krauser , Tom Torero and  Yad and compared to this generation of “Red Pill” self-help coaches he’s just simply much more experienced than a Richard Cooper, Rollo Tomassi or Michael Sartain and he comes across much more realistic and honest than a John Anthony. Where he’s been critiqued in the past has been the overpricing of his content and even this book he priced at around $100 or an addition to purchase with his numerous expensive courses. He is the most expensive dating coach I’ve come across – is he worth it? Judging by my experience I don’t think any dating coach ever will be worth $10k a bootcamp you’re much better off putting that money into the gym and fashion but for arguments sake I still see him as a good mentor and public speaker in the dating realm. Has he milked that for some high ticket sales? Yes. But then again pretty much most coaches in the self help coaching sphere sell some products and services that are somewhat overpriced for their value. This industry has always been like that and James is no different. 

How is James Marshall doing now? Well he appears to be selling less courses , less coaching and his team is wittered down a bit. I still think losing Liam McRae probably set the company back a bit before hiring some questionable coaches that seemed – on the surface to be prudent nutcases cough *Jon* cough.

But onto the book – is it worth it  , going into this thing I had high hopes and I really did enjoy it more so than a Rollo Tommasi or Richard Cooper “unplugged alpha” here it actually records actual dating progress and James going from strength to strength. He shows his wingmen and the various things he was able to learn from them and is honest about the downfall of his marriage – the difficulty he endured marrying a Ukrainian woman – perhaps he’s not fully truthful about the fact she could’ve just been using him for a passport but still there’s value in analysing this and showing that all dating coaches have their highs and lows which is often hidden when you see seduction coaches often being marketed as players who can do no wrong. 

The beginning of the book describes James Marshall starring in a porn scene himself before detailing his adventures hooking up with women in China in 2004 whilst documenting his time training in Shaolin Temple – his life is just unorthodox and at times very inspiring considering how one dimensional your average pua can be its refreshing to see a dating book in which some interesting stuff happens between the seductions – not so much just mechanical approaching and sex stories like Tom Torero’s or philosophy of female dating strategy like Richard Cooper , Rollo Tomassi and to some extent Nick Krauser’s books can overly dwell on at times. There’s actually some personality and character development coming through here and an improvement in his dating life throughout the book whereas some authors in the space like Richard Cooper just go from one failure to another.  There are heating breakups at the beginning which seem to be entirely James’ fault but he has an honesty here- he doesn’t look to hide dating failures or over exaggerate his result like Alex Ice White (who doesn’t even do cold approach but yet acts like a coach) or John Anthony do (who seems to critique every dating coach bar himself) . 

“The sad fact dawned on me that after high school, as people nest and get real jobs, their social worlds shrink. They find themselves into their twenties with a handful of friends and an orbiting ring of pleasant work acquaintances. The madness, hope and dreams of their youth vanish and are replaced with the numbing comfort and insidious slow death of adulthood. It was what I feared more than anything and the reason I shat on a beautiful relationship with a stunning wonderful woman…..” 

Here James goes through what I see many Pua’s going through- the urge to be different me myself I’ve also had such an urge that put me off making commitment to women – the fear of being boring and mundane with each day being a constant battle against such decline but he also highlights something true about men’s social circles- they shrink a lot post university and men get into comfortable situations and decline into a slow death something that I’ve personally discovered after my mates left uni- James’ insights into social circle development here is invaluable especially for those starting out. 

“ The single man’s life is generally one of constant low level frustration which peaks to murderous intensity on nights out, as he falters and drunkenly stumbles through half- arse attempts to meet women. This usually ends with the immediate jump into another relationship with the first time a woman of passable quality who agrees to remove her panties for him. This continues throughout life with options slowly narrowing as social circles diminish, hair lines thin and bellies expand..”  This is something I most definitely am seeing now approaching my 30s.  

James also goes through online dating – not only in China but in Australia and Ukraine and writes extensively about the qualms of such 

“It took me a while to realise that the ratio of men to women was 10 to one and also that the value of girls jumped considerably in this context. A girl you wouldn’t look twice at on the street is bombarded with dozens of messages a day and becomes picky. Unlikely that she will ever meet any of them in person, she strings them along with saucy messages as the validation comes from the attention, not the resolution of the fantasy.” 

I saw this as a problem of online dating too- the sheer abundance and options that women had were problematic and were one of the reasons that me myself switched from online to daygame around 2017 . Later on in the book James Marshall has a dig at Mystery and Ross Jeffries- claiming that mystery suffers from Asperger’s which I think is a fair comment – there was definitely a weird aura around mystery . Ross Jeffries i never liked too as I don’t think scripted lines or hypnosis really work on women- I see him purely as a a marketer that was just in seduction at the right place and the right time and made a fair chunk of cash through seminars and books taking advantage of men who had little reference experience. So in a way James and I are on the same page in a lot of aspects. 

The book then digresses into a lot of lay reports and I mean a lot – even prior to James getting into seduction he seemed reasonably successful – losing his virginity as 16 in the US, with numerous lays throughout his ventures in Australia – including Taiwanese, Iranian, Africans, Chinese, Pakistani , 37 year old MILF and of course Ukrainans – seduced in a variety of ways including online dating (myspace and other dating sites that don’t exist anymore) , daygame, night game and social circle (through his band) James shows a lot of flexibility here though doesn’t really dwell into much technique rather documents his emotions, the dialogue and the results – its not a perfect guide – far from it but still interesting reading nonetheless.  James adds a bit of seduction advice in between sets but really its just drifting from lay to lay most of the time which reminds me of Tom Torero’s daygame stories.

This could be a flaw in James in that he’s always been somewhat of a successful guy with women even when he was young- losing his virginity at 16 and then progressing in relationships thereafter. There is not real rags to riches story as far as his dating life goes – he’s progressing positively throughout and building connections with seemingly interesting characters a lot of whom have intriguing strengths and side-stories. But let’s not kid ourselves James Marshall is still a tall handsome dude, a b list celebrity with decent following who even in his worst day was still a handsome Australian dude with a load of cool hobbies. Whether this makes him relatable to large swathes of the PUA community who are low smv men is up for debate – in my wingmanning circles he’s been praised for maturity and his ability to educate on connection but critiqued by my lower smv wings as never having had a real struggle which is a fair critique James even has one moment in his book where a woman his 5 ft Asian client was dating hits on him :

Here James admits really that looks do matter – one way or another SMV is something that will eventually impact your dating life whether you are spiritual guru akin to James or a jack the lad guy like Nick Krausser – I don’t think he will ever have that grassroots appeal to the majority of men like a Yad and Tom Torero will but it’s undeniable that the majority of day gamers can learn a lot from James about how to connect better with women . 

In the end of the book one of his main wingmen and best friend John has a mental breakdown, he then proceeds to get betrayed by other wingmen- his three wingmen in the group have long term relationships that falter and fall apart/divorce and their relationships break down with James – He then himself gets cheated on by his Ukrainian wife when she becomes a famous Dj in Australia – a taste of his own medicine perhaps considering throughout the book him and his wingmen are always cheating and dicking around with women themselves.  An example of how puas can potential just be lifelong self addicts with no discipline or self control perhaps? Both James and his former coach John are known for their dating . Like or dislike James he’s led an interesting life – one of adventure and sets a good example to daygamers- his emotions show more in this book than other day gamers like Torero and Krauser do – perhaps this plants a more realistic viewpoint than a Ross Jefferies does or technique based materials do. There will be ups and downs in women wether you’re a virgin or at 100 lay count – there will be obstacles and that’s ok. I think this is invaluable advice seeing as so many of my wingmen failed when it came to the psychological game of daygame and persistence. Those that strove through the highs and lows thrived – those who let it get to them gave up sometimes after a week or two of approaching- James definitely shows his mental strength across 10-15 years of his life consistently gaming and networking in order to hone his skills – despite that challenges he makes he’s persistent and has a lot to show for it now. 350k  YouTube subscribers , a decent coaching team , a house in Portugal as well as a flat in Budapest the outcome has been impressive and he serves as a good example for young daygamers to follow and can still to this day inspire hope to many. This is a unique book and offers a lot to beginners as well as intermediates – for those seeking “mature Puas” few will ever have the appear James Marshall does.

Score: 9/10