Mindful Masculinity

Disclaimer: I am not a dating coach nor am I selling any dating products or services this blog is really for recreational usage to reflect on my previous experiences in daygame and to share my insight. For those wondering I am based in London/Nice/San Francisco so for those who want to network in the future please email darrenpua1@gmail.com thanks

Wrote the article to discuss the advantages and disadvantages for men and women in the modern dating world – while most men in the manosphere believe that women hold all the cards i’d put out some other views to balance out why this may not necessarily be the case all the time – although i tend to agree women seem to have the upper hand in nearly every aspect of the modern era of dating.

Women’s Disadvantages in the Modern Era of Dating: 

• Religion instilling limiting believes and problems – religion has always been problematic when it came to the viewpoint on relationship dynamics between men and women and I believe with women in conservative countries religion can get in the way often repressing them from reaching their true SMV Potential. 

Having travelled extensively around Saudi Arabia and UAE I saw how religion would come to repress women most notably my stories in Jazan in Saudi where I spoke and met women who felt that their city and their religion were repressing their sexual desires and stopped them from dating the men  they wanted to. They felt incapable of dating the men they wanted and were seemingly stuck in a difficult plight due to their geographical isolation from the rest of the world. Not that religion can’t harm women in the west- it can certainly breed delusion and cause women to miss out on dating opportunities due to their conservatism . 

The big  debate -whether religion protects women from harm of whoring out or denies them the opportunity to date men they genuinely desire – in my opinion you could make a case for either – some women will simply never know if the grass is greener or not and some conservative women may end up losing opportunities due to choosing to delay sex- I know many of my wingmen stopped dating certain religious and conservative women after they found out they were religious and weren’t keen on sex.  With some aspects of the manosphere criticising high body count females – deeming them sluts and disgusting whilst wanting to quickly fuck the women they themselves date it seems the balance is non existent. If women abstain from sex they themselves risk out on potential high smv men who seek the women who give sex away the easiest but then if they give sex away easy they risk being used and dumped by the fuck boy alphas. Its a tough balance and one that at times can be unfair on women .

• Danger on Dates/ Stalkers 

Obviously women face a lot of risk on dates – during my time dating them I saw examples of women I dated who incurred moments when they were nearly raped by Turkish and Kuwaiti men- the risks associated of dating certain races of men who can overly pressure them for sex is very real. Whilst men who daygame regularly don’t really run the risk of getting raped women can easily get raped and murdered on dates. Not that it happens often in London I am aware of examples of it happening- dating a psycho man can be the end of a woman’s life in some situations and it can be extremely hard for women to find men they can trust particularly certain races of men or dating in cultures were sexual assault/rape is more common like Africa and The middle East. 

• Age and Declining SMV 

As Nick Krauser showed as women age and reach their 30s-40s the decline in their smv can be apparent of course this can be maintained through fashion, surgery, diet and health maintenance so it isn’t exactly the be all and end all. Of course this depends as certain races like Blacks and Asians can maintain their age a lot easier than white Russians for example . Although both races can use surgery, gym etc. to maintain health. What those things can’t prevent is egg and fertility deterioration which can be very apparent with women and something that can’t be escaped. Men’s sperm along with good health habits can be maintained into their 60s but for women its a tougher fight to preserve fertility- egg freezing can be one way but it can be a painful procedure and doesn’t result in optimal young.  

• More to do with Less Time 

Women have to get their degrees, find a good partner before their eggs get fucked and move up the work ladder all at a young age – the maturity required from women is usually greater than men as they face a lot of challenges hitting them at once. They can’t like men just start dating in their 30s by that age they need to settle down and with hook up culture rising the odds of finding someone to commit to them is lower than ever before – with marriage rates declining globally it puts another layer of pressure on women along with their declining fertility and career ambitions. The plight is tough and the time for failed relationships is extremely limited . The wrong relationship with the wrong man can eat into valuable time during their peak years- I’d argue men have more time for fuck ups than women do on average with women having far more of the selection but hey a fuck up is a fuck up and time is of the essence if children are desired . Regardless of how many options either sex has one needs to make an effort and role with it. 

Pressure of Sex from the Sugar Daddies 

Whilst online dating has definitely been more Advantageous to women – the pressure of sex may increase from those offering to fly women out which in turn can create issues. Nothing comes for free and women who are paid and flown out on dates usually face having to put up to get what they want in return effectively turning them to quasi modern prostitutes . Even what might seem like freedom and desire from men sometimes this shit can have consequences for the women which isn’t often talked about.  Something that Rollo Talks about in his rational male series 

 “ The global sexual marketplace – how globalisation isn’t just about economics or demographics- globalisation is also applies to intersexual dynamics. …. Today with our instant, robust , forms of digital communication, a worldwide sexual marketplace has now opened up with a romantic prospects of virtually anyone on the planet earth and a smartphone and a internet connection. Don’t like your prospects in your hometown? Now there’s a whole world of men and women waiting to meet you”  Rollo Tommasi – The Rational Male

The problem with this theory is two fold and one which Nick Krauser already discussed in his interview with Rollo yes online dating has given women power but with this power does still come risks of them having to give away sex to men whom they don’t know about – in the case of a female Czech friend she once nearly got raped by her Kuwaiti sugar daddy and again by a Turkish one- one Hong Konger I dated also nearly got raped by her Turkish bumble date. Of course these are just one off examples – but the online world doesn’t guarantee smooth sailing for women – it involves the trust of unknown men who could still be psychos who can still have distinct problems only difference being is they are rich  . 

Also for some women geographic repression still very much exists and the likelihood of them dating largely out of their league in some cases is still tough – A Thai woman living in rural Thailand most likely will have to search for bottom of the barrel Western men who may have additional problems with themselves . Sometimes it could be they are socially inadequate, have autism disorders , maybe alcoholics , weight issues or just purely old- it’s still not exactly smooth sailing for women as much as Rollo describes there are still chances for women to fuck up and be in bad situations only now the choice is larger and the opportunities are more. Although for some women of course there are more than others. 

• Declining number of “real men”  – decline in SMV is very really amongst most men this can take the form of lower testosterone – men being poisoned by blue light , glysophate, sugar  and various other poisons that can cause lo testosterone and SMV decline .  Also men are more prone to video game , porn addictions of the like which can diminish SMV and cause low T and a loss of self confidence. 

• As men become more feminised it becomes harder for women to find real men – men’s suicide rate is rising and mental health declining therefore showing a decline in high quality mates for women. Men’s sperm quality has never been this low and their testosterone has never been so low at anytime in their history than now . Putting a layer of pressure and competition for the top quality “masculine men”  Men are more inundated with porn and addictions that dehumanise and ruin relationships which pre 1960s and the porn era were no where near as big a problem as they are now. 
• The rise in ai taking away a lot of men’s jobs also contributes to men’s incomes declining which puts another layer of pressure of women to find a decent provider which is declining as men’s incomes are in many major western countries around the world. 

• Not every Woman can win – I mean think about it mathematically for a second not every woman can date a multi millionaire – or high earning man , online dating and todays competitive dating era has led a large amount of women to fight for a select group of scarce group of men causing more intense competition – simply put not every woman in the world can date the elite powerful high value men- some will lose this fight – its brutal capitalism at the end of it . The “abundance” mindset is really a self help myth- real top value is hard to find and hard to maintain.
• More cowardly men- approaching is now rarer than ever in most nations – men have become pussies- so women hoping for someone to have an actual pair of balls well those balls are declining in quantity globally as testosterone becomes more scarce. 
• Women’s testosterone is higher than ever can sometimes result in them fucking up their attractiveness and turning crazy liberal or overly masculine which may cost them good dating opportunities without being cognisant of it.
• Men’s Autism Rates are rising- on average it is estimated the young men have 5 times the rates of autism as women due to environmental issues. The result – a generation of men with increasing low sexual market value than prior – not saying autistic men can’t date well but they certainly have their work cut out for themselves  – on average autistic men are slower to gage social interactions and struggle to main LTRs. This- seemingly will only lead to a larger amount of men being inadequate to date and a smaller pool that are financially and cognitively good enough for women. 

Advantages FOR Women in the Modern Era of Dating. 

• Online dating- has given women a vast ray of access to men around the world , endless attention and the opportunity for hypergamy has never been easier – a high value attractive 20 year old woman can have the world her oyster- be flown out around the world through the touch of an app now.  This is probably the biggest advantage that women that have they can go to cities and glen 1000s of matches and have nearly infinite options – the opportunity really is endless for half decent looking women online and they don’t have to face the loneliness that the majority of men have . Hypergamy has never been easier for women than today . 
• Divorce courts giving more advantages to women in the west- I can only  speak for  the west because I am not an expert on international law but divorces can be profitable experiences for women and the majority of women end up getting custody of the kids – this flips on its head in Asia where divorce courts seemingly favour the men over the women. 
• Women tend to mature a hell of a lot faster than men and get that advantage of opening into more high quality social circles from 18 onwards thanks to online dating- they no longer need to hang around low value smv men of their own age they can quickly seek out the viable mates through instagram and online dating  . Heck even women who live in impoverished parts of places like Thailand have opportunities to find high value husbands now thanks to online dating and apps . A Thai girl living in the rural area now has access to ten’s of thousands of European men dming her on online dating websites- something seemingly unthinkable 50 years ago. 
• Global travel ensures a good percentage of women can go to where they are most valued – I mean this is an advantage for both genders but modern day a Russian model can move to London or New York and get all the shit she wants to a degree . Even if she gets divorced, ends up a single mother theres 1000s of males on online apps she can move onto. There are far less consequences in todays era for women’s mistakes when for example being a single mother In the 1990s would’ve been a lot tougher to get back out there due to lack of dating apps. (This is one example but you get the gist ) 

Advantages for Men in the Modern dating era. 

• Global travel meaning men can move to areas where their sexual market value is highest. Having a tough time in the west? Move to south east Asia/Latin America  and things will become significantly easier  . The passport bro era can be an easy cop out of the overly competitive western cities. Of course men need to be cogniscent
• Still men can get scammed – of course there are examples of men in Low competitive countries being scammed on dating apps- most notably the American tourist https://people.com/american-in-colombia-lured-death-dating-app-prosecutors-4-suspects-charge-8547356 seemingly a lot of men are still naive when using dating apps – often falling victim to scams from women sometimes costing them their life.
• More PUA content than ever and its all free. Like literally – there is so much free content out there more than ever before- men have access to communities and more information than ever before about how to enhance their dating lives such a thing wouldn’t have been available in the 1990s for example.
• Men have more time to make mistakes- men mature slower and that hurts but for old men the situation is still salvageable with a decent work ethic and persistence . Of course time without action is nothing and men do need to spend a lot of that time improving smv as well- so this is certainly up for debate-
• Men’s fertility usually lasts longer- an obvious one but men don’t have to worry about “hitting the wall” the potential to have kids is usually there for men into their later 50s and even 60s whereas for women when the eggs are gone they gone- freezing eggs only last a period of a few years and isn’t biologically optimal. 
• Younger generation of men provide less competition than the younger generation of women. For example if you’re 30 and a new man enters the sexual market place at age 20 you usually won’t need to worry about said man due to the lack of SMV that young men posses – for women it’s different, a  30 year old woman can easily have her attention stolen by a 20 year old women and not recover from this- women have to be constantly aware of the competition coming from younger women. 

Disadvantages for Men in Modern Dating Era 

• Declining pua scene- less people approaching, less community, online dating certainly has damaged the community coming together and has created more independent groups of men in the dating sphere with a lot of men no longer coming together to date. 
• Men’s jobs being taken from ai and technological advances at a faster rate than women’s jobs- jobs like truck driver, taxi driver – two small examples but these jobs getting eliminated will hurt men’s incomes more than women’s and as ai develops it seems on the face of it that men’s typical jobs will be harmed first and foremost- this can have a negative drain on men’s sexual market value. 
• The mental draining of approaching – as a Man it’s your job to approach and dealing with the drain of rejection – dating is a lot more mentally intensive for most men – creating options is infinitely harder as a man and the mental burden of rejection seemingly moreso for the majority of men. This can drain willpower and the ability for men to progress in other areas of their life and be very time consuming .
• Religion- My religious friends usually underachieve in dating – usually marrying someone because they are the same religion as theirs, Christian , buddhist or jew I just don’t see religion as an advantage to men in dating.  If anything religion just serves as a ploy for hypergamy for women. 
• Men’s Slower Maturity – for me personally at school I was very slow to mature mentally despite going to a pretty fancy private school I still didn’t really socially improve until my early 20’s , mainly due to porn and video game addiction I found my brain over stimulated between the ages of 14-20 – unable to communicate well and make real friends and actual good quality women I found a lot of men in a similar position at school and university. Women tend to have more options on average when they are younger and break into social circles a lot easier than men meaning they often mature at a far quicker rate whilst men have the tendency to get left behind.
• Overstimulation of men – I mentioned a lot of these points in this blog post here:https://mindful-masculinity.org/2023/12/13/why-the-mens-pua-and-dating-self-development-scene-has-declined-so-much/ but yeah men are more addicted to porn, drugs and are more sducidal  than ever this obviously has negative impacts on the plight of men in the dating world. 
• Bigger financial risk in marriage than ever before – the search for marriage as stability  is a big gamble for men nowadays – with men’s suicide post divorce going to new highs the gambles associated with forming a family and marriage are now higher than ever in the dating world for men.  This can lead to hesitation and children being bred later on in a man’s life meaning most men will have less time with their children than previous generations. 
• More media resentment of PUA – Discussed in my article at detail here from Tom Torero’s death : https://wordpress.com/post/mindful-masculinity.org/314 I mean the chances of a pickup artist being cancelled is higher than ever before which has seemingly lead to a dearth of dating coaches. Most the guys that I grew up watching – Tom Torero, Sasha Daygame, Liam McRae, Roosh V, Yad,  Alan Roger Currie (now I don’t rate all these 6 as elite level but they still set a good example to young men in the dating  world) are now gone- the new era of dating coaches seem more aligned with Red Pill philosophy than actual improvement in cold approach and creating a better community of more proactive men. 
• Men’s lower online dating options than women- no matter how value most men will be they will never get the sort of online attention a woman will- men are up against it online for sure in more ways than one.  Not to say it can’t be effective for some men but for the majority I deem it inadequate due to the sheer level of competition .
• Geographic poverty harming men- I mean  for example a working class Thai male  is going to have a tougher Time to reach his dating goals than the same class of  Thai female – when it comes to achieving dating goals and objectives men in the third world have it harder than well anyone. Women in the third world can still use apps and dating websites to get themselves out of a rut- while Sugar mummy hunting can happen in places like Egypt – its certainly a lot rarer than what women in the third world can do. Of course there are still some women born in strict religious countries that are incapable of real hypergamy with their own free will due to religion or their surrounding society impacting them. 
• Deep competition in the West leading to hoeflation – in my opinion from gaming in the east to west I’ve noticed American, Britain and Australia definitely have the highest rates of hoeflation – with a lot of attractive guys and a small pool of women – this usually leads to women dating out of their league more than the men . The opposite I found in the East for example China where I’d see average British men date simple stunners in China. 
• Overstimulated -Tik Tok brain rot women – this leads to more boring dates although the same could be said from men who are addicted to video games and porn from a young age all in all both genders have struggled and have become victims of the overstimulation of the modern world often turning us more one dimensional and boring.