Disclaimer: Im not a dating coach im just a dating blogger who’s had some experience in the field who writes his own shit re dating , the sexual market etc. For those wondering I spend around 80 precent of the year in London and the other 20 percent a mix between Nice/Cannes/South Of France, San Fransisco or Dubai if you’re in any of those cities please feel free to hit me up at darrenpua1@gmail.com
Decided to write this blog post to help people especially newbies to the world of dating and pickup so they don’t get too overwhelmed by the marketing gimmicks used by dating coaches out there. When I started by daygame journey I went from coach to coach to coach from dating guru to dating guru without even being cognisant of what advice I was getting and the real intentions and the situations of those who were selling me said advice. I decided to write this critical factor blog piece to make people starting out more aware of the cons dating coaches have and factors you need to consider when following someone’s guides or philosophies .
Key Points to Realise :
- Context is everything when looking up to dating coaches, dating guides etc. .
Be cognisant of the advantages your dating coaches have: Understand that lay reports are subjective as they heavily rely on said coaches sexual market value, where they are located in the world and what their value is relative to the women around them. For example a UK dating coach based in Eastern Europe or South America will most likely have a lot of advantages simply due to his nationality of being a foreigner.
Other examples of this its important to consider what value your coach has and how they’re utilising said value.
Let’s take James Tusk for example – He’s a PUA coach based in London now on the surface he has a lot of things going for him. He’s handsome, dresses well , has a good physique and owns a flat in London. Now these things are pretty invaluable for someone based London he has a lot of value off the bat therefore he will need to do a lot less approaches in order to make an impact.
There was then a clip released in 2017 of James coaching a student called Andre who appears to be somewhat autistic, poor dressed , short and a bit Chubby . In this case the coach seems to be far ahead of what the student is . Now Im not saying there is anything wrong with James Tusk but I want you to understand that daygame coaches can only too much . If there’s a huge gap in sexual market value between the student and the coach then coaching is almost on the verge of pointless .
Similarly there were clips TNL released on their workshops of overweight poorly dressed me going into interactions looking like literal lambs for the slaughter- these clips have since been hidden from YouTube but again an example of how coaches even the great James Marshall can send a student into a set poorly dressed
Again this was done by another dating coach Sasha Daygame: Where he sends 4 people into some pretty weak sets poorly dressed one with a generic Nike shirt . Now as a dating coach the minimum you can do when students are paying you top dollar an hour is just dress them properly except for a hippie coach like Sasha “positive energy” is deemed the only important thing seemingly. Proper presentation of themselves is not. It may look like im nitpicking but there are dating coaches out there that just don’t sort out the fundetmantals with their clients are should be criticised for doing so after all they are charging a huge amount for a high ticket service this service better be good.
Some Coaches will never have your disadvantages or they might not have been successful when they had them.
Understand that alot of daygame coaches can’t polish a turd, they themselves have have built their successes through either having some advantages which you may or may not know about or have used geographical arbitrage to temporarily raise their SMV.
Lets use some examples of Prominent Daygame Coaches and what they’ve done themselves:
- James Marshall – Owns a $2mill Farm in Portugal and a $600k flat in Budapest hardly a broke guy, also is tall handsome and has an Australian passport. Traveled to god knows how many countries.
- Alex Leon- Handsome, Well built , Austrian passport, decent career, brother works for fly emirates so he gets free business class tickets so it looks like he’s ballin when he most probably an’t .
- Tom Torero – Despite an ugly face had still traveled to 40 plus countries and had an Oxford degree all in all pretty decent accomplishments and would’ve made approaching women a lot easier.
- James Tusk- Handsome, well built man, spent his time living between Hong Kong and London, owns a flat in London , had a good finance career and has travelled a tonne.
- RSD Todd- Was a Pro Poker player before hand , seemed to have an elite level of intelligence as a result.
- John Antony (not a fan of his at all personally but ) – Still very tall, spends a fair amount of money on facial surgery, takes TRT , well built dude.
- Nick Krassuer- Well Built dude, Ex boxer, has travelled the world , speaks several languages including a bit of Russian I believe.
- Liam Mcrae- Good Looking dude, well built, plays electric guitar at a high level, Australian Passport
- Simple Pickup Crew- Jason, Jesse and Kong all three of these individuals had stake in a million dollar business all had passports of the first world (US) .
Im not even a fan of every coach on this list , Im not endorsing any of their products I just want to show the importance of understanding that each coach no matter how bad or good has at least a fair amount of value . You gotta understand and think about where you are in comparison to these coaches and be honest with yourself. If you’re well below these people then the chances are you will need to approach a fair amount more women to get the same results as said coaches. If you’re a man in the third world and you are watching and analysing coaches from the first world you need to be honest with yourself knowing that you have to approach more.
If you’re significantly poorer than these coaches or have no interesting hobbies or haven’t traveled and have nothing to talk about you’re going to have to approach more to hook women in comparison to the coaches.
If you’re overweight , boring with no hobbies you’re going to have to work a lot harder than the jacked coaches you see. All these coaches are at least well dressed , have travelled a lot and have a passport from the first world at a minimum. They all have at least some value to a degree. They aren’t fat , boring and slumming it out in the third world.
If you’re autistic or on the spectrum and have difficulty building bonds with women you’re going to struggle a lot more most likely then the coaches listed and will most likely have to approach a lot more than them to even get remotely the same results.
I know Im coming across a bit negative and aprehensive here. But its not my job to sell you a dream I just want you to be realistic .
2. Daygame Marketing / Coaches / Tinder Coaches may hide the sheer amount of rejections you’ll face.
This is fundamentally a big issue I see. Daygame is rejection at every turn. There are a huge quantity of flakes you will face, bad dates, LMR, blow outs and that’s the bulk of it. The actual success makes a fragment of this . Anyone promising you quick lays or success is simply lying to you . This is the bulk of what it is. Your dating coaches will only be able to get you good results if you already have some decent quantity of SMV.
Most coaches hide the pain, the rejection, the flakes from their clients in the marketing because it’s not something that’s going to trigger sales. No one likes learning about the struggles they only want the lays and the successes that come with that. This is the bulk of what daygame is , it’s struggle you will need a huge amount of mental resilience to get better.
The fact is a lot of dating coaches spend a lot of their time riffing one another. For any dating coach to even release videos of rejection isn’t very appealing because it gives the internet and other dating coaches the opportunity to riff on said dating coach. So all in all the industry has more of perfectionist attitude which is just simply unrealistic and you have to be cognisant of this when watching any infield.
3. Fantastic high quality wingmen will always trump a good dating coach.
Honestly for me the biggest difference was meeting high quality wings. This wasn’t an easy feat by any means. I went through around 20-30 poor quality wingmen but its the failure and the awkwardness that you have to endure In order to be successful at dating. You will meet a lot of wingmen you don’t like or don’t vibe with that’s just the way it is. You will also meet a lot of women you won’t have chemistry with that’s part and parcel of life its just the way the world is .
Wings are the most cost effective way of optimising your game and I explain why in my Wingman guide here:
4. A lot of Coaches are glorified passport bros or were passport bros at one point in time.
Let me give examples and some examples that I will give are some of my favourite coaches for myself personally.
Liam Mcrae– Got his girlfriend in Eastern Europe.
James Marshall- Married his wife while doing online game in Ukraine in the late 2000s
Tom Torero– Bulk of his lays in Eastern Europe.
James Tusk- Spends most his time in Latin/Central America
TNL– The Natural Lifestyles – coached mostly in Eastern Europe – albeit they have coached in Barcelona too which is quite a tough environment.
John Anthony – Spends the bulk of his time in Brazil .
Nick Krausser– Spent the bulk of his time gaming in Eastern Europe first wife Japanese .
RSDMax– Seemingly paid of Ukrainian models to feature in his ads .
Now once again I don’t like all these coaches and I don’t think they are all conmen but the majority of them spent a good quantity of time in “Easy mode” countries . You need to be aware of this when analysing your successes because you doing the same thing as they did in their lay reports may not be adequate enough in this day and age.
Let’s take James Marshall a prominent dating coach- in his book “The Natural History” he wrote about lay reports that happened in the late 2000s which he used Myspace to pick up girls in Ukraine. Now of course Ukraine is in no condition anymore to do daygame in but this was clearly an example of James Marshall using his status as an Australian to garner up an extra dose of SMV to pick up women . Again I see nothing wrong with this but its not replicable at all now . The online market is absolutely saturated now and most hot girls in Eastern Europe probably have offers to be flown out around the world. Remember context is everything when analysing dating coaches like Marshall. He even married a Ukrainian woman in Ukraine and seemingly got used for his status as an Australian as it appears from the book that she cheated on him in Australia.
Then there’s Tom Torero remember a lot of his dating successes came in Ukraine too which is no longer a viable prospect at all for dating. But after Tom released these lay reports and successes the city became essentially flooded with daygamers in leather jackets. Another example that certain coaches have big advantages either using the strength of their nationality or other SMV components which could be seen as a pivotal reason behind their lays or purely just good timing- going and doing well in a certain area before it becomes flooded with daygamers.
5. Some Coaches have train wreck histories and should be noted as such
Look at Richard Cooper – the guy dated two single mothers in a row then became a world famous dating coach as a result of it. His work was extremely hollow seemingly being a regurgitation of self help quotes and men’s rights activism with little proactive advice on the basics like approaching and meeting new people . It’s pretty sad that this guy garners more popularity than people who actually did daygame approaches like Krausser and Torero .
Make sure you do your due diligence on every dating coach, have they actually done daygame approaches? Or are they just a big marketing fluff. You need to learn to analyse and judge people accordingly to stop yourself from being taken advantage of.
I mentioned this in my other blog post about the “Death of PUA ” but Simple Pickup who were my original idols well their co founders Jesse and Kong turned out to be dicks. Of course that’s not to take away from their accomplishments I was just heartbroken that someone like Jesse would sell such a scammy marketing bs like Endless Options the app that promised fat guys to hook with hot women. The majority of women don’t want a fat person! You got to be an idiot to fall for that shit and many did. It certainly tarnished his reputation and he seemed more ok with scamming people than actually being honest to people .
6. Techniques and “text game” won’t polish a turd
This is the problem with “Texting guides” Or the “Message Game” I even see posts on Reddit promoting ‘“ai texting” none of these guides are going to be a substitute for a good strong interaction and daygame approach. Any guide or text method is likely to be replicated by 1000s of other men and eventually the girl will feel like they are part of a system and won’t want to be part of it. “Let’s cut the bullshit fuck the guides and get out there and do some cold approaches” would be my ideal opening text to you yourself. Of course this is easier said than done for most men. The reason “text guides” and online dating guides are so popular is they don’t focus on the real issues that men at large face when dating – being approaching well, finding good adequate wingmen and being consistent and hardworking both on themselves and dating. These things will benefit you much more than any texting masterclass ever will.
7. Never idolise any dating or self help coach for that matter.
When I started game in the late 2017 Early 2018s I had a lot of sticking points to my game. I was in a pretty competitive environment growing up in London in a school with comparatively rich and high quality men. I made a habit of idolising certain dating coaches without not really knowing much about them. I idolised James Marshall a lot to the point where my game was modelled exactly like his. I idolised Tom Torrero and Rollo Tomassi too whilst their advice was good in theory in did lead to me taking everything they say as an exact science which I felt harmed my LTRs with women. I began to play the field for too long and didn’t really make the women I like my girlfriend as I saw it as needy and tried too hard to “hold the frame” and “play hard to get” in the end it just pretty much destroyed the relationships I valued and I was alone again. All in all my overvaluing of dating coaches was actually costing me in relationships rather than helping me. I simply did everything Tom Torero , James Marshall and Rollo Tommasi did because I had no real idea for myself what I wanted from my own relationships. Had I stayed off the PUA podcasts and made my own ideas it could’ve been better for me to build my own identity instead of just being a regurgitation of another dating coaches’ ideologies.
8. Dating is a hard mindfuck and no book/guide will protect you from the mental strain
Both the successes and failures of daygame will take its mental toll on you . The complacency of success and the mindfuck of rejections will both be harmful for you and no coach is going to protect you from that. You need to make sure of this when reading lay reports and all the ups that the majority of daygame and dating is full of lows and mindfucks and that everyone will go through them no matter how elegantly your dating coach markets themselves. Every woman wants something different form a man and theres no man that’s going to be attractive to everyone that he approaches – theres nothing out there that is going to fight or protect you from inevitable rejection regardless of what you do.
9. The End-Goal of Most coaches is to sell you some high ticket product or overprice course/ guide which will contain information that you can find for free on the internet .
Remember that most PUAs or this generation of self-help entrepreneur aren’t exactly that innovative they are all pretty much cut from the same cloth engineered to sell you a course that you don’t really need as 99 percent of the decent PUA info out there is there for free and any great course out there you’ll really gain greater benefit if you just have better quality wingmen around you as opposed to having the best courses. Great wingmen pay for themselves in lays , pushing your boundaries and making you self aware of your sticking points this is an idea that I constantly repeat because it was so vital to me . Think of good wingmen as long term coaches-except for free. Most dating courses are merely regurgitations of other much older Pua self help books confined in a video series. Whether it be Simple Pickup’s project go or whatever course TNL are selling usually all the information can be found for free if you look hard enough. You should be cognisant of dating coaches’ bullshit and not rely on them for all their answers and seek solutions from your own experiences in dating. I remember when I started out I was obsessed with Rollo Tomassi, James Marshall and TNL as I said before as opposed to forging my own identity with dating . In the end my early daygame relationships fucked up because I was too “addicted” to the viewpoints of these people. I just bought every product they had and became of a victim of their marketing skills instead of really developing my own understandings of relationship dynamics. Just be cognisant when you yourself are buying products are you dealing with the root cause of your problems or are you actively just procrastinating by idolising other puas and buying crap. No course/book or product will save you from you.
10. The Bulk dating coaches barely last the long term and are greedy at will rip you off
It’s a brutal industry and dating coaches themselves alot of whom can be seen as opportunists who make their big money and then leave. If you look at the most prominent example of this being RSD, Simple Pickup who’s member Jesse was selling absolute trash towards the end of his career . The point is you can’t worship these people as guys who are here forever and ever to mentor you most will either retire, commit suicide, die , be found out as scammers or leave for more stable careers. Again this links back to the importance of forming your own identity , tribes and communities when it comes to dating. In some instances like Jesse from Simple Pickup I conclude that they were just opportunists who would rather peddle fake promises than the truth remember just because someone holds similar ideological values to yourself doesn’t make them a good person they can still be a scammy cunt and id admit that dating coaches that I idolised in the past did turn out to be scammy cunts the most prominent one being Tom Torero.
In another case in point of The Natural Lifestyles they would rather sell high ticket with the coaches mysterious aura and charisma being the bulk part that made the course expensive to begin with. Certainly I see that with coaches like James Marshall who’s £10k a week bootcamps comprising mainly of approaching and mediation now believe me that £10k is better off spent on improving your fashion and spending active time networking with other wings . This sort of pursing for the “high ticket sale” is what the majority of this self help generation of entrepreneur is focused on and in the purchasing of dating products people are highly likely to be emotional and impulsive and pay out rather than figure things for themselves . Im not saying this is a good or a bad thing only for people who pay these high sums the money is most likely better spent elsewhere improving said students smv by learning a language or going to the gym instead of paying a charismatic person to point them at sets over and over again.
So concludes this post, its kinda all over the place and pretty disorganised but I just want to give daygame or dating newbies in particular an overall picture before they commit to any daygame coach or being to overate any dating coaches philosophy . Just be cognisant of the people that market to you and who paint a picture to you and don’t believe everything everyone tells you- take time to form your own opinions in life.
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