Mindful Masculinity

For Networking Email darrenpua1@gmail.com – Disclaimer- Im NOT a dating coach ,  Im a dating blogger from London, I do not sell coaching programmes or “self help” courses Im just here to post my views and perspectives on dating , relationships and sexual dynamics. Im an avid day-gamer and lover of sexual and relationship dynamics and use this blog to share the information from cold approach that I’ve learnt over the years. I hang out predominantly in London (where I’m currently based) , Dubai and Nice (South Of France) sometimes Texas/California and South Korea so if you’re from any of these cities/countries hit me up! 

It came to me the other day a post on my Instagram in reply to a reel  made by The Natural Lifestyles dating coach  Alex Leon. During which he claimed that money was only “ 2 percent “ of attraction between men and women – the cheek really. I found this astoundingly poor advice and something that could fuck up men’s perspectives if they took it seriously. 

Also before I continue you I must stress you should never take any dating coaches perspectives too seriously- you need to analyse them all and scrutinise them to a Tee – mine included obviously ( and im not a dating coach just a relationship  blogger at best buffoon at worst ) 

Political Implications of Money in relationships 

In order to analyse the implications of money in relationships you need different metrics- the country you’re in, the personality of the nationality of girls there, how money is perceived by said culture, the income equality between men and women in said country all of these are important metrics to consider. Also compare this to the women of nationalities YOU enjoy. For example if you love Chinese women then being on minimum wage in the UK is enough for you to be in the top 10-20 percent income profiles in China. Similarly in Latin America $18500 a year income is enough for you to make it into the “ Upper Class” of Argentina so someone earning minimum wage in the UK will also be considered a “top tier” earner in Argentina .

Then what about Left Leaning countries? Countries which- women’s incomes are high or increasing. I take the Nordic countries as an example of this as women make considerably more on average than most countries in the world. These countries Norway, Finland, Sweden and Denmark I see more of a reverse in male and female polarity this is reflected by my experiences dating Swedish/Danish women where there is seemingly been 0 expectation for me to lead the date and one occasion where a Swedish girl got insulted when I tried to pay for the coffee during a date. Of course there will be exceptions to this rule once again but it’s a trend I’ve certainly clocked.   

So what’s the point of this analysis ? Well the political ideology of women in dating is somewhat relevant as I’ve noticed trends in left leaning countries where the urge for men to pay on the first date, buy the girl things , lead the girl is somewhat lacking to a degree contrary  in more conservative leaning countries. Of course there are exceptions to the rule as I stressed before but this is just a trend I’ve noticed in my Time dating women from different cultures.  So the conclusion? Some cultures will expect more which in turn means you’ll need to spend more money .

The dating coaches who say “money doesn’t matter” 

Overtime a number of coaches who’ve stated money is obsolete In attraction. Some who’ve said this include: RyanBlack, Sasha Day-game  and Alex Leon  To a degree they’re sometimes right but I don’t think this idea bears much fruit longterm.  Especially in LTRs and marriages which these coaches completely forget about also it can somewhat be negligent as an LTR or marriage is a realistic aim for a lot of men in dating. Not all want to hook up forever and in order for a relationship to be maintained long term you do need some sort of financial stability to foster. 

Money is an intrinsic part of women’s dating strategy , it’s not the be all and end all by any means but its pretty damn well important . You need money for real true longevity in relationships, from traveling with your partner to having money for kids so it’s therefore completely foolish to dismiss this paradigm or as Alex Leon classifies as “2 percent of attraction” .  Of course this doesn’t mean that broke guys can’t and won’t achieve success in the sexual marketplace quite the contrary Ive seen some broke guys do hella better than myself and really dominate the sexual market place . But I’ve also seen rich guys do very well and use their wealth to “seal the deal” so to speak- Im  convinced that high wealth can- and will always remain a strong part of attraction which I will aim to prove with the rest of this article. 

Geographical patterns of Money and Accumulation of hot women 

If money doesn’t matter why do women flock to cities where money is abundant? Think about it, take London as a prime example, why do the hottest women live in the richest areas? Kensington , Knightsbridge and Sloane Square these places are the three cities with the hottest chicks by far and they are three of the wealthiest areas of London. You’re trying to tell me that women don’t to some degree follow the money?  Take Dubai as a prime example a lot of women there that are seeking out wealthy husbands.  And then there’s the US…. With New York and California  the wealthiest states and  still places where a lot of high value women flock too and I hazard a guess the monumental wealth of these cities has something to do with it. 

On the contrary look at how women move and migrate. How many hot women move to Dubai then say Eastern Europe like Ukraine  (just assume this is pre the war) or Hungary- why? Because the men in these  countries are too broke for these women to find a high quality mate . When you look geographically as Nick Krauser once stated its best that women move west and that men move east.  Your average Joe in London will have a much easier time dating out of his league in Vietnam for example than London and your 6 ft 2 Russian model is better off cashing that fertility in in London or New York.  More importantly very few women migrate from the West to the East. Pretty telling no? How many women go from the UK into a LTR with Thai men? For example , no where near the amount of men that go  from the UK to Thailand to pick up Thai brides which is  overwhelming higher than the amount of women that come to Thailand to marry Thai men – of course there are exceptions when I was Thailand I did meet a few women from the western countries that were dating Thai guys but the general trend does sit firmly in place . Similarly with the Korean/ Vietnamese brides situation- there are a colossal amount amount of Korean men who go to poor areas of Vietnam and hover up the women for marriage there. Compare that to the amount Vietnamese men that are slaying Korean pussy and the comparison makes me feel that there are socio economic factors in place in the dating world . 

Analysing the Data of how money can be pivotal to Dating in the Global Sexual Marketplace:  Using two documentaries one shown in South Korea the other shown In Thailand it’s easy to understand the effects wealth can have on women. In the British documentary  by Louis Theroux on Thai Brides listed below  the old mentally ill guy despite not even being wealthy and living in a rental house in some suburb of the UK is still able to attract some interest goes to show that some women would deal with a bat shit crazy guy if it meant leaving from the social trap that is working class in Thailand. The other video is a more common relationship dynamic between Old Korean working class men and Vietnamese brides. Those Korean men who are unable to compete in the sexual market place against the more demanding Korean women lose out and will resort to countries in which their sexual market value appears higher than in Korea. Of course the nearest countries with fertile women are working class Vietnamese and Filipino women. We see alot of interracial marriage between Vietnamese and Korean I noticed this while I was studying Korean that my textbook even used the names of Vietnamese people rather than Korean confirming most likely that it was book to teach Vietnamese immigrants in Korea… anyway I digress. The trends are there anyway even the text books are prepping you for it. 

But are goldigging whores much better than women with genuine desire? 

This is an interesting question/ point of view. From the data analysed from interracial marriages between Koreans and Vietnamese brides their divorce rate is similar to that of regular Korean couples, coincidence? (Watch the documentary for proof)  Maybe insinuating that these gold digger types that PUA coaches warn us of are just as loyal/disloyal. Maybe money could be the glue that holds things together? Considering so many divorces in the western world are caused by financial stress it’s easy to see why women might just flock and stay in a dysfunctional relationship with a rich man as opposed to a passionate one of genuine desire with a poor man. Some women most definitely regard wealth as a form of safety and why wouldn’t they? From an evolutionary biological perspective it absolutely makes sense for a woman to date a rich man especially if they have kids. They’ll want the best for them wouldn’t they? They would want private school for the kids for example , good housing for them etc. Is a broke passionate musician or someone else going to provide them that? Unlikely. 

Are women wrong to be “gold diggers”? 

In theory no, I mean look it at the women’s perspective they are aged between 18-29 for their peak years at best, of course they want to cash out with a man that’s financially stable and can provide them with financial support. Especially when they’re pregnant the majority are  not going to  want a broke guy looking after them. They want money so they can have a good life and that their children can have one too. Whats wrong with that? Money is important and serves as a gap in relationships without a sizeable chunk of cash its difficult to also see a relationship truly develop well and be sustainable.  Most Pua coaches are coming from a place of quick hookups rather than looking at what is actually needed for a sustainable long term dating perspective so its important for them to downplay this factor as a “stereotype” but a lot of stereotypes exist because there are prime examples that have contributed to creating that whether its Thai Brides, Vietnamese brides or that fat businessman in Dubai marrying a slim Russian woman. There is definite truth there.  

Women will always fight for the best for themselves and the best future for their children if they have them . The reality is we are all wired to be selfish and greedy so why wouldn’t we take the most attractive offer on the table ?And usually that involves financial security. Women will fight for it , a future for themselves and their children? Why wouldn’t they. Why do they need to resign the possibility of making more money from jealous men or red pill lovers online? They don’t give a shit about people who analyse the situation behind the laptops like me nor do they really care much about red pill reddit. These things they honestly don’t really care about and why would they? They have no incentive to , they want to protect themselves and their family and their children. They don’t care about the criticism from conservative men or men who want them to be loved “just the way they are” 

So why do PUA coaches emphasise that money isn’t important? Is it to attract more clients – maybe? After all if you paint the picture that all that matters is “vibe” you can attract the low SMV clients into some positive thinking and I guess a positive approach to something and expecting that all women will suck your wang even if you’re financially unstable there will be a portion of women that will see that as a turn off and you’ll lose them. You won’t lose “ALL” women of course but still. Im replying to the coaches that say “money doesn’t matter at all” when it most obviously is an attractive point. 

PUAING girls from the third world compared to the first world examples :

My experiences with wealth impacting  my dating experience, coming from a relatively upper class place in London I felt it didn’t really make much of difference in London given that there are around 100,000 millionaires in this city.  No one particularly gave a shit that I had money bar one SDL that I got when I was 24 after a night club who complimented that I had a big house (which wasn’t mine it was my mothers anyway) . Aside from this wealth I didn’t really make much of difference in London primarily due to the fact that everyone around me was already wealthy therefore wealth was deemed nothing special I especially found this to be true whilst attending private school in London –  no one seemed to give a shit if you were wealthy because everyone pretty much was. No girl really gave a much shits back then but then when you have the pleasure and comfort of living in a city like London with a high middle class and a high number of wealthy elite your perceptions are skewed.  

It did however make a huge difference when dating in certain third world countries, I had a brief stint in Myanmar for example I was able to date a beautiful Burmese woman on tinder and I believe my status as a westerner was the primary reason (she still wanted to split everything though) but I most definitely wouldn’t have dated her in London.  End of the day geography matters for both men and women. Some nations or cities will be full of cock and high earning men like London or New York. Others will be full of attractive females who will have relatively low expectations compared to rich western nations  like Vietnam and China  It’s important to evaluate these perspectives and what fits best with you based on where you are living.  Why was I able to date a hot woman in Myanmar so quickly? Is it because I’m amazing? No its because there are 10s of thousands of less attractive men in Myanmar quite literally. The competition is much lower , its not even conceivable . Also the bulk of Burmese people are broke as fuck – if you’re earning minimum wage in the UK you’re a big catch in Myanmar. 

However  its not always linear like this I approached a lot of poor filipinos in Saudi Arabia and Dubai with a white English attractive wingman and I got blown out by every single one , of course I don’t believe every woman is automatically hypergamous . I don’t expect every single  girl to fall head over heels for me due to my passport. It would be a ridiculous expectation and wouldn’t make much sense.  But there’s definitely a trend which comes with having a “strong passport” in third world countries. Of course you might get blown out as some women might see you as taking advantage with your position as a westerner which low and behold I was. 

Lack of Money does Diminish Men’s Sexual Market Value. 

Like let’s be clear, lack of financial stability does harm your long term attractiveness scale to certain women . But also causes harm in other ways too – 

• Men who lack financial resources have less money to spend on romantic/ interesting dates- if you want to keep a relationship interesting and exciting you have to do more interesting shit and money is a key component to being able to lead the girl to various locations and make things more interesting. 
• Men who lack money most likely will have worse logistics when it comes to dating increasing the chance of LMr. This was somewhat a problem when I was doing day-game in London I found a trend between poor logistics and LMR. Although it wasn’t the definitive factor by any means but it did make securing the lay harder. 
• Men who have less money In general will have less to spend on good quality food and nutrition making them less likely to maintain SMV – Yes you need to keep your health in check and having money to do this is important. 
• Lack of money means you’ll have less to spend on coaching / travel and therefore less able to make yourself lead a dynamic and interesting lifestyle- having puaed with a lot of broke wingmen the broke ones obviously have less chance to improve their SMV and become more “interesting” which is definitely a cause for concern- for long term SMV you really do need money as a man to continue to become more dynamic and improve. 
• Lack of money means less money to spend on fashion which could diminish SMV – fashion being one of the easiest ways to improve sexual market value 
• Could lead to you being less adventurous, you won’t be able to take women on more variety of dates and will be limited to a certain type of date which could be deemed repetitive and boring- i.e. the same bland coffee date at Pret A Manger for example. 

Does too much money make men lazy? 

Id say so – I don’t have stats to back it up but if you live too much of a pampered lifestyle this could lead to laziness and falling into a gold digger trap. Ive seen a lot of rich finance guys fall into this . Having something to strive for and being proactive about your dating problems will nearly always trump having a lot of money and at the end of the day nothing matters more than consistent approaches money can amplify the effects of consistent approaching and increase your lays but its not the be all and end all. Ive had nice logistics before and failed miserably I’ve also slept in hostel beds and been successful .  But I’ve found having too much financial success or too much going on  with business can cause you to feel demotivated to some degree. 

Spending money on “great logistics” 

I have to say in my PUA trips the most productive I was was when I had poor logistics compared to good ones. Shit logistics like a hostel or a tiny one bedroom apartment made me more proactive and want to go meet people whereas good logistics like a luxury apartment made me lazy and unproductive  . Having loads of cash on a PUA trip – getting the best logistics out there isn’t necessarily going to lead to more dates as I soon found out- at the core nothing beats a good – strong work ethic.  I had my best day-game successes in Shanghai when I was staying at a hostel I was very proactive going out every night. In contrast I had some very nice logistics in Dubai right next to a university with a fabulous apartment and failed to garner a single date in a month due to not working hard enough. This isn’t knocking on good logistics though if you’ve got good logistics make sure you utilise them to your advantage with a strong work ethic. Without a decent work effort to back up what you have you’ll struggle to make the most of what you got.  That said good logistics can provide “safety” and reassurances for the girl in comparison to bad ones. If you can afford better its nearly always better to have such. 

Are Dating Coaches somewhat hypocrites?

A good chunk of dating coaches say money doesn’t matter but spend their time puaing in poor economic countries ( something I’ve done myself ) Look at James Marshall’s first pua book entitled the “limitless seducer”  his most impressive lays were in 2008 Ukraine when he used myspace to bang Ukrainian chicks. He literally exploited his own status as an Aussie and went to the third world to fuck women earning £150 an average monthly salary . This eventually even backfires on him as the really hot Ukrainian girl he ends up marrying seems to just use him in a marriage  to go to Australia where she seemingly cheats on him with other more prestigious guys all In all this is just an example of how prominent dating coaches use the third world to maximise their sexual market value and take the most advantage. Of course there are other examples by the fact that almost all of The Natural Lifestyles coaching is run in Eastern Europe which is prominently full of low income women I feel this is done intentionally to induce maximum chance for their clients and the coaches themselves to secure lays.  Furthermore Alex Leon of The natural Lifestyles runs Tilted Officials which again relies on employing Ukrainian women and giving them holidays  I mean would tilted work if it employed American or UK women Im not so sure . John Antony seemingly spends the majority of his time now in Brazil and Tom Torero/Nick Krauser were both entirely situated in Eastern Europe coaching there also Tom Torero spent a good period of time coaching people in Singapore which is a country known for its low Sexual market Value men  in terms of PUA skill and social skill who are often on compulsory military duty (thus greatly decreasing the competition for women )  I don’t see Tom Torero running any daygame dating workshops in Rome-  Italy or Paris-France he probably knew full well that these cities were full of confident men therefore chose not to coach here and chose easier environments instead.  

These are examples of course but if the experts of the industry and the people with the most experience are hanging in these areas and playing to their strengths in this way then so should you. 

Divorce and the Financial Issues that cause relationship breakdown 

Simply speaking- a lot of divorces are caused by financial pain.  According to this clickbait article made by a bunch of most likely greedy divorce lawyers 29 percent of divorces are caused by financial issues  https://www.thejimenezlawfirm.com/what-percent-of-marriages-end-in-divorce-because-of-money/ Agin this in someway  shows the importance of financial security for relationships , LTRs and marriages . Theres no doubt that financial issues will cause some long term relationship insecurity. Once again this could be a simple way to argue against those who say money doesn’t matter in dating. If not then why are so many divorces ensued by financial issues? 

Conclusions: 

I write a lot of PUA content to challenge existing theories PUA coaches make its something I love to do , my reasonings are its always important to be rational when analysing everyones belief systems especially that of PUA coaches. You don’t want to be overly hung up on one persons opinion and remember that at the end of the day the coaches want to sell you shit and giving you false hope is part of their process of selling you shit. So please don’t fall or become obsessed with their ideologies too much . It’s just going to fuck you up to become a carbon copy of them without thinking for yourself. You need to do your own approaches, do a tonne of day-game, date a lot of women from different races and come to your own conclusions. My opinion is that Alex Leon was wrong to say that wealth is “2 percent” of attraction. It most definitely is not , id put it at least to 30 percent. Looking at the sheer amount of divorces caused by financial issues  , the patterns in marriage and the areas where hot girls live you’d have to a fucking idiot to believe someone who blags that crap. In some cases wealth does matter a lot especially in LTRs ,SMV maintenance for men  and marriages in other areas like a quick hook up at a hostel  wealth obviously is less important but I chose to tie it in more with the long term dating objectives of men which are more skewed towards the importance of wealth because I believe this is what the majority of men in the sexual market really are striving for be that a LTR or a marriage.