Mindful Masculinity

Disclaimer: I’M not a dating coach I’m not trying to sell any services or coaching . This blog is just a few of my experiences in London . Im based predominantly in London, Nice/Monaco/Cannes ( South of France), Dubai  or Dallas. If you’re in any of these areas feel free to email me or hit me up for networking at darrenpua1@gmail.com No complete beginners or time wasters please must have some degree of maturity and value.

Things have changed a fair amount in the last 8 years from when I was learning about PUA . In the beginning my thought process was somewhat simple doing night game and day-game.  I learnt the bulk of my night game in 2014 originally from Simple Pickup seeing such average guys picking up hot women blew my mind. But it wasn’t until 2017 that I started really day gaming and meeting women during the day and until 2018 that I got my first significant day-game lays that really impacted my life and I began to meet and network with wingmen that would significantly improve my life and my way of thinking. But after observing the manosphere in the past 8 years there’s been a significant movement towards conservative/religious thought processes and ideologies most notably from 21 Convention, the rise of  , men’s self development and people who meet on forums discussing theory but with little basis for anything else. The rise of conservative/religious dating thought processes with men’s lifestyle coaches like Tanner Guzy, Rollo Tommas, Elliot Hulse and coaches that aim to reinstall traditional conservative values in the dating world made me feel is the community more divided than ever? 

I still post on Pua forums, why ? Because I like to give back, I like to provide free information to people and help them because there were coaches that did the same for me. Said coaches have now dropped out of the game, many have deleted their content (Liam Mcrae being one of them)  my instagram and social media guide for example which gained some praise by others was heavily influenced by Liam’s teachings – in fact I doubt I’d even be able to write the guide without his influence (Liam is now retired and has married a model) . So for these people I owe them a hell of a lot and Im  forever grateful for the hard work they entailed to make me who I am . I probably owe all my day-game lays and the loss of my virginity to a combination of TNL, 21 Convention, Simple Pickup, Tom Torero and Nick Krausser – without the hard  work of these collective coaches releasing content  I don’t know where I’d be . 

These viewpoints  on dating now are varied- even Anthony Dream Johnson the CEO of the 21 convention has seemingly changed his tune- Tom Torero’s being an extreme thought that LTRs were near impossible to maintain – given his divorce prior to getting into pickup it seems understandable – in the year leading up to his death he seemingly lamented LTRs of all kinds.  

 Tanner Guzy and  other newer 21 convention coaches  stated that hook up culture is something men need to grow out of in favour of more noble pursuits something which alot of the 21 convention coaches like Arthur Kwon Lee , Jesse Lee Peterson to name a few believe in. Then you have black pilled viewpoints inspired partly by Rollo Tomassi’s work and a new generation of men who are giving up on relationships, some could be seen as incels, others that are frustrated by the lack of loyalty and compassion shown by the opposite sex and some who are simply too far away from competing in the sexual market place. 

Dating , the sexual market economy to be precise has always fascinated me to a point where it became my passion. I love discussing these things, but nowadays the tide has turned away from the player lifestyle to the conservative reconstruction from the nuclear family. None more than I noticed this than from 21 convention, who’s early speeches and content between 2011-2014 radically changed my dating life. Now a new generation of self help speakers have emerged one that want to reinstate patriarchy and the nuclear family.  Is this even possible? I argue fuck no. We are in too deep now whichever way you look at it men have an uphill challenge and that hill is turning steeper and steeper as time passes. 

Men of the west complain that women have it too easy. They just need to be fertile, they can take cocks left right and centre. Well in any major European city, US or Canada I don’t really see any reason why any girl a 5/10 or above should be single, in fact I’d argue that the sexual market is just easy for women, any 5 could edit photos of themselves and make themselves into a 7/8 of 10 and match with 1000s of people world wide and get flown out and have shit paid for. It’s the sexual economy we live in now. We need to make do, our brains were never ever EVER meant for this much sexual abundance than before. Even a female 3 probably has more choice online than a male 10 . So what happens for society now? What are the conservatives actually expecting that women will give away their desire to move up the sexual market place and hold their virginities ? And then what – for them to just stand there and for some conservative religious man to approach them and for her to give himself up to her? The entire principle of slut shaming could argue to make no sense because it offers no realistic solutions for solving the dating problem for women and requires them to be self sacrifice for the low probability outcome that a similar conservative man will come out of no where and just marry her off the bat even if he with holds sex and acts religious – in my eyes some women can lose options to more sexual liberated women purely from withholding sex from men – a lot of men dont like this and complain constantly on forums when women give “lmr” or string them along. So its a essentially a catch 22 situation between conservative women and men in this occasion.

Not only is it extremely unlikely, it’s really a pipe dream especially when the bulk of conservative political thought is based on the premise that humans will naturally and instinctively thrive for more and will want to do so and so should be given the freedom to do so.  So if women want better and better cock the liberal view is they should be allowed to have infinite sexual partners in the name of feminise and show off their breasts on tik Tok to their hearts content and settle when they so please – the conservative viewpoint would dictate that natural greed and the lust to maximise profit too will be for-filled by human’s and more often than not at the determent of society or mid-low value men .

For women the right male can be the difference between a life of ease and luxury and a life of extreme poverty. Women are opportunistic lovers and men shouldn’t let their delusion to marry or have LTRs get in the way of simple facts that are at the core of human evolution . So when you see manosphere coaches like Tanner Guzy and Elliot Hulse trying to save the nuclear family by sacrificing themselves dating below par women and telling people to get married young . They are pretty much enticing young men to gamble their lives and futures in the hope that the women they’re dating just happen to be loyal in the long term to them. Is this worth it for the modern man to quit hookup culture and create a nuclear family? I’d argue most probably not. 

The problem with the new gen  “Manosphere” coaches  of the 21 Convention 

• A lack of Respect of the slow maturity of men in the sexual market place.  Encouraging men to date and marry early may mean that men sell themselves short. In fact I’d argue that most men in major western cities sell themselves short nearly all of the time. Even these self help junkies who preach men should focus on their value , I think this is  a 40-50 percent truth men should focus on where in the world they go to maximise their value just like women do. Theres a reason why Russian models absorb cock in New York and London and have Saudi men flying them out for weekends in Riyadh . There’s a reason that I – despite having 0 online lays living in London  prior to living in South America I  was able to bang a Brazilian model in Belo Horizonte from tinder. Men need to think of this first before thinking about marrying just any old western girl – they need to place themselves in position of strength where they will be respected the most, and I think most men are not cognisant of the fact that the grass is indeed greener on the other side and this new generation of manosphere coaches should be pointing men in the same directions that old school pickup coaches like Tom Torereo and Nick Krauser were – the idea of create options and experience to be able to properly differentiate between good quality women who can make good wives or not.  

• A sheer lack of understanding and warning about just how much power women in the sexual market place have –  Yes-men mature slow as fuck and the sooner men realise this the more they realise that “getting married young” and marrying for religions sake is a bad strategy to curtail.  Men need to build their value, enjoy the experiences of the lows and highs of the sexual market place and work hard to find wingmen and create a community where their dating life can flourish. This takes time, and more often than not experience will be the best teacher. Conservative view points on relationships and sex really don’t serve men as men’s value increases much later on in their lives in their 30s and 40s. Simply praying to god or marrying the first girl they date doesn’t change these facts. 

• Trying to restore old beliefs and thoughts that will simply not stack up to the modern day world.  You’re not going to stop tinder, instagram ,online dating and Tik Tok  now these addictive apps aren’t going anywhere if anything women now are being infiltrated by them more and more. The women who hustles at the local coffee shop night and day no longer has to they can open up only fans and live off the monthly yield from that from showing a few pictures of their breasts.  To ask women to sacrifice these benefits for the greater good of humanity is wishful thinking and the growing popularity of only fans, Tik Tok and instagram is proof of this.  The internet , porn  has made men weak and socially retarded for the most part that they are stuck in a rut giving into these women . Thinking simply a conservative viewpoint on marriage and politicising conservative beliefs will change the fact that men are too dopamine-hooked on porn and only fans to care and that women are too fucked on the addictiveness of instagram shows that simply political ideology on the “Right way of doing things” can’t fix an addicted – Tik Tok brain dead generation. 

But where do Liberals Go from here? 

Do we just have boundless sex with no accountability? Do we just wait forever to fuck and never move on from hookup culture. It’s a fair problem that liberals have which I believe conservatives do make a decent point of view. The questions is when? And the answer to that is I have no idea , when men cash out of the sexual market place and bring children in the world it’s a risk whether it be from the first person they date to the last but for a lot of men in the west now having seen other men suffering in LTRs and marriage the appeal is becoming less and less whatever the current conservative viewpoint of the manosphere has. All in all I believe this is bad for the nuclear family, for stability from children’s lives and for people in marriages the stresses and pressures are at an all time high and should women want to leave these situations they will most likely have the kids and a swathe of needy men at their disposable. 

Theres simply too many options for women in todays world and the effects of boundless sexual partners will take its toll on both genders to some degree . I don’t believe boundless fuckboys are at the heart of a lot fo women’s sexual strategy though I do believe a lot of women do want a nuclear family, kids etc. But with the way hookup culture is nowadays this will be delayed due to the fuckboys , the fast pace of the world with people changing their careers and moving about constantly , attention from around the world in a global sexual market place. The end goal will take time for both genders and will likely be just given in is a better situation rather than being alone rather than something which someone truly wants. There’s a definitive right way to do relationships anymore, the overstimulating environment has made loyalty a sign of neglect or neediness and has made constant hookups something to be praised and a sign of continuing confidence. Is this the right way of doing things? It’s really hard to give a firm answer . On the one hand I’m glad for hook up culture- It was about the 7th girl I slept with which I really dated someone that I connected with. With the ultra conservative view points of dating I had failed, it was clear the first few women I dated weren’t suitable for marriage longterm regardless of what my religious or political ideology was – it took be a lot of daygame approaches and trail and error to reach the stage where I would find anyone remotely suitable and I had found more fulfilment in my relationships than before hand thanks to the numerous sexual partners that I’d had (still lower than most in the Pua community but higher than the UK average for men) . But too much devaluing of one other during the dating process- something which I believe online dating  in particular creates can lead to no real feeling of accomplishment or enjoyment in the situation- this is further solidified by the  fall In the share price of bumble – men are leaving the app in droves – it doesn’t even play to women’s instinct of seeking out leadership quality in a man that can approach them it also doesn’t play into their  love of genuine “Romantic love” . Then again people might say Im just being jealous and bitter  – jealous and bitter that I’m not in the top one percent of men and that if I was and was getting loads of matches that id be more positive on the effects of online dating – and that might be it?  Of course there are a lot of women and men that enjoy the online dating game and really relish the benefits from it but alas even as someone who has gotten laid from it – I believe its been an overall negative for men’s dating and self development and one which makes “conservative” or religious theories on dating even more adequate in the modern day. 

With every relationship there will always be risks. You could in the worst case scenario be dating someone who’s just a psychopath and find out in the third  year of dating them. You could marry the first person you dated at school and found out despite it being what your religion and parents  wanted you to do that it ended up being the wrong thing to do . The possibilities and combinations in dating are endless and unpredictable which I’ve addressed in my previous blogs and are something that we just gotta deal with in the long term because well this is life. The hopes and dreams of the conservative nuclear family coming back when tik Tok addiction, instagram, onlyfans are still prominent is just unlikely and the odds of liberal hookup culture and rising divorce rates being an appropriate situation to raise kids is not something I personally think is optimal and I was very lucky that my mother and father stayed together until my father passed. I wouldn’t have been happy to see either with another partner and im glad they stayed loyal to one another  . 

Even the Coaches that say marriage is right are getting divorced 

The divorce of men’s self development coach Tanner Guzy proved to me 2 things- 1. influencers aren’t worth following because they paint a picture of an ideal in life that they’re most likely not achieving – Tanner had some 7 kids and was deeply religious I fully believe that his attachment to religion had created a lot of problems and was probably the core reason as to why he even got a divorce in the first place- this religious delusion had led him to have a seemingly kid after kid with his ex wife- he had a total of  7 and seemingly the workload drove his wife into insanity 2. When religion overtakes rational thought one then really starts potentially having problems with constructing a family and picking an adequte partner and that was the case with Tanner . In fact this was his second divorce- a man of God who seemingly credited religion to his success seemed to refuse to acknowledge that marriage may not be sustainable in the modern world with his own two divorces perhaps being evident of this.

And are these marriage coaches even dating anyone that’s attractive- Jesse Lee Peterson , Tanner Guzy, Richard Cooper, Elliot Hulse all religious mansophere coaches yet don’t seem to be doing much impressive in their dating lives. Conservatism seems to be failing and lets not forget Jordan Peterson’s daughter Mikhaila Peterson fucked Andrew Tate and  divorced his husband and is now onto her second marriage. 

Conservatives Seemingly ignore their own bias  or ignore the overstimulated world we live in that have given women endless options in the sexual marketplace. It’s a problem of gurus today that they seemingly ignore their own hypocrisies or refuse to be self aware of them to say the least – the result?  Hypocrisy or at least a failure to acknowledge their blatant insufficiencies while plugging ideas that simply don’t work in the real world. Had Tanner held out and maybe married a better woman who wouldn’t simply divorce him after 7 kids – or if Mikhaila Peterson had worked on her first marriage properly and not divorced maybe these conservatives won’t seem so moronic – but alas here we are in an era that seemingly doesn’t make much sense . 

Concluding thoughts 

The whole debate between political conservatives and liberals in the manosphere has been over done. One that seemingly blew up with the rise  f figures like Rollo Tomassi and Jordan Peterson.  With the impending change in the direction of the manosphere, the rise of the red pill ,the value of conservative thought has certainly been on the rise the last 5-10 years. Whether or not its made a dent on female behaviour itself is debatable.  

If liberals really think that high body counts and boundless sex lead to a secure environment for humanity to thrive then they’re just being deluded but I have a similar thought with conservatives who think that being loyal to god and self sacrifice alone will provide good security in relationships. You see a lot of men being scammed with Thai wives abroad as one example – loyal honest men getting used for a passport in a similar style to what happened to my brother when he married a Russian woman online . Do divorces like Tanner Guzy’s show what happens when hard work and persistence    come together  and even then it can’t guarantee relationship success . Im all for conservative values of the nuclear family but at the same I don’t want to see my fellow men getting scammed in a relationship and taken to the cleaners in divorce court- why must men gamble with commitment today when they stand to lose so much in divorce? God an’t gonna save you if you lose custody of the kids and he an’t gonna save you if you lose half your shit in divorce that’s for certain. 

So where am I going with this?

I don’t know – I want men to increase their chances of winning in relationships that’s why I write this blog – but relationships have consequences , a lot of the time they are positive (LTRS where men get actual benefits, experience of real life interactions and sex being two big positives )  but sometimes they can be negative (divorce, cheating , trauma etc.) Every approach has a risk – be it humiliation in a blow out, the negative effects of being rejected etc. But we do it anyway because the potential wins out way the loses. Men must be rational – never jump into marriages with financial commitment and must create options for themselves-  creating that relationship security for a family now will take longer than ever – but with perseverance  and hard work   I feel some high value men have a good shot at it .