Mindful Masculinity

Disclaimer: I am not a dating coach nor am I selling any dating products or services this blog is really for recreational usage to reflect on my previous experiences in daygame and to share my insight. For those wondering I am based in London/Nice/San Francisco so for those who want to network in the future please email: darrenpua1@gmail.com thanks

This is Rollo’s fifth instalment in The Rational Male Series – if it feels like he’s been part of the manosphere forever- it’s most because he probably has- Rollo rose to fame with his 2014 release of The Rational Male- love him or loathe him he continues to produce content – and it continues to be popular if amazon sales are anything to go by. Rollo has  recently become the subject of controversy with beefs with the likes of John Anthony, Anthony Dream Johnson, Alex from Playing with fire to name a few- with critics attacking his books for being too pessimistic  and nihilistic – nevertheless his books have had a huge impact. That is for certain and cannot be really denied with Rollo notching up some 240k YouTube subscribers , four books that have dominated sales on Amazon and Audible with largely good reviews, impressive 21 convention speeches which has inspired many podcast creators like Fresh and Fit and Richard Cooper – not that I care much for either of these people but the influence is obviously there. 

The book starts out with Rollo showing how this era has changed with women wanting more and more due to the rise of online dating- and yes things have changed to a degree swipe apps, only fans, instagram dating have definitely changed the game for good – has the premise of daygame changed – having done daygame in the era I still believe it can create success for a lot of men- Rollo acknowledges  this as well as emphasising the importance on men learning game.  He makes an important point that game theory alone will not change those who have Asperger’s or autism – those people need therapy and I definitely agree with that . As someone who’s brother has Asperger’s he always struggled to put himself out there in the socially correct manner – reading “The game” or any theory books wouldn’t really have changed him out of his bad habits- I believe there are a small portion of men that are too cognitively too impaired to make long term connections with women and those who have Asperger’s fall under that . They are also most likely to get played- as my brother did – marrying a Russian woman online who cheated on him with three other men. There are some people who are beyond help and unwilling to change- I have personally seen some people on the autism spectrum thrive doing game – so the subject of autism and game is a delicate one – some coaching and  mentoring for said people can work very effectively other times it can make things worse. 

Despite this surge in online dating reliance – Rollo fails to point out that most online apps are leaving men today unfulfilled –  the crashing stock market price of bumble one of the points that he could’ve utilised to add balance to the conversation- of course I can’t deny that instagram ,hinge and a like will probably dominate the future of game but I also understand they are the source of a lot of frustration for both genders- as Tom Torero said in one of his podcasts there would be a yearning one day for the majority of people to quit online and come back to face to face- for me personally I enjoyed the face to face pick up more-so but I know I am in a minority and even with discussions on Pua forms may give me the feel I am in a majority – people who do face to face pickup will probably be in a minority indefinitely.

Rollo goes onto show off his game showing how its so good that sometimes he has to retract himself so that women don’t escalate on him – this is seemingly unnecessary and irrelevant – like what’s the point? You’re not a game coach and have said you’re not a pua yet you boast about having fantastic game that leads people in- of course he could also just be showing off the fact that he has competent social skills.  This boasting continues throughout the first half of the book – it’s also one of the point critiques make of him is that he has an excessive delusion of grandeur .

Rollo goes onto to say that game can’t be therapy that those with autism and Asperger’s should seek therapeutic help and I agree to some degree, however there are alternative arguments – one given by Tom Torero himself that game can be a form of therapy- for many doing daygame it can enable proper human connection something which is lacking in todays social media driven society- for me personally my second ever daygame lay was actually quite therapeutic for me as it did usher in a lot of self confidence and self belief- lays and daygame successes whilst they can’t solve every man’s problem can solve some to a degree and the socialisation that game can create can be incredibly helpful for some people- of course it can have mental downsides too- a lot of rejections can exasurbate the situation and cause mental anguish and pain for certain individuals – all in all in depends on who you are and your position in the game – for some high smv males game can elevate their social status and assure in self confidence that they are in control of their dating lives and that in itself can be therapeutic for others it can have little or no affect and of course there are some people who are in the game that are just quasi sex addicts.   

In chapter 4 “Beta game” comfort and patience – I don’t agree with the beta game plan not being a bad problem it depends on the culture of the women you approach – different women want different things . I’ve seen men playing with “beta game” and having success in dating in east Asia. Game needs to be adapted to the social surroundings- for example doing daygame in China – a more easy laid back approach and beta game has proved to be successful in the past by me and my wings – different environments prompt different degrees of game – and Rollo even echoes this point at a later chapter in the book what works with a bar girl in New York may not work with a chick at a music festival- women are inherently different. Rollo also places emphasis on the point that vibe really matters in game – and this is definitely true- the guys with the highest “vibe” in set usually did very well in cold approaches. Hence why you see coaches like James Marshall placing a high emphasis on meditation – or why Tom Torero spoke about this in numerous of his podcasts – vibe is really important in daygame. So if you have issues with your vibe- work on your wellbeing , do more meditation , use infrared sauna- these elements can help reduce cortisol and increase your positive energy and make you more “in the moment” in the sets you approach.

In chapter 5 Rollo argues that – “Social inteligence has been stunted by the digital society”  and I’d argue he’s spot on – social media addiction has definitely destroyed men’s brains at least for me during my ages of 13-18 I suffered from video game, social media and porn addiction. I also saw a lot of men in my school also suffer from similar problems at university- when I started my daygame journey I saw a lot of men who suffered from porn and video game addictions in their early 20s which had stunted their social growth and mobility up the sexual market place- I was probably the worst example of this but I saw it in even dating coaches most notably Johnny Berba who admitted to his porn addiction countless times – I never sunk as low as prostitutes but I also had wingmen who had previous addiction of prostitute addictions too which in part was attributed to them hiding away from the need to do daygame or expanding their options properly and face their fears in the real world. 

Men are meant to “display higher value” – I’d argue that most wingmen I had in the game were too retarded to show higher value. In fact most people I know don’t really DHV that well , that being said there are still a huge amount of men that do this on instagram- and I agree some of these are produced by “pre planned narrative” The pick up coach Alex Leon shows this on his instagram- he snaps photos in private jets even though said jets are not his – he is a prime example of a “hustle economy” as Rollo puts it coach  that makes money off coaching men to have better photos and better social media . Most my wingmen were too retarded really to display this higher value on social media- in fact a lot of men i met in the dating sphere couldn’t even bring themselves to dress right let alone have good instagram pics.

“Solid direct approach often a dhv because it displays value like confidence and humour|” and social intelligence just in your willingness to approach. This shows that even in today’s era of online game- face to face game can still add to your value whatever the scammers of the industry like Alex Ice White want to claim that “Cold Approach Is dead” it most definitely isn’t and it will always be a good tool in your arsenal if done right. 

Chapter 18  “You have to be honest when something is wrong and find ways to fix it” an issue with a lot of blue pill and beta men is they  hate puas and see them as grifters or scammers – I remember when my brother who’s indecently in a relationship with a single mother whom he met off tinder told me how bad pickup artists were – ironically those dedicated to pua and the game were at least getting some selection of options and were broadening their dating lives- of course we looked like losers running around Oxford street at times at least we were bettering our life situations – most blue pill conditioned men are too scared to do. 

The book has these odd stories of where Rollo enters clubs and other venues even a subway sandwich shop and claimed to be getting hit on girls – one situation where Rollo claims a woman in subway with a boyfriend was gaming him and that he was effortlessly getting ioied while buying a sandwich – this is a pretty odd thing for a married woman with a daughter to claim in the book. There was also  an other situation where Rollo claims to be hit on by other women in a night club girls and receiving lots of iois . These stories seem again- bizarre- Rollo showing that he’s got game even though he’s been married for some 25 years- iois really mean nothing without some sort of physical intimacy or sex to really justify good game . I had a woman smile at me and laugh at my jokes the other day does that mean she wants to fuck me or likes me ? No- she could well just be a friendly person.  It would be odd for me to write filed reports of women “checking me out” or “touching me in a Subway sandwich shop” and write them as actual interactions unless theres a conclusion for at least getting them out on a date and getting physical-  these stories seem like fomo from Rollo for his “rockstar 20s” and desperately trying to still fit in with the pua crowd. Proper lay reports from Tom Torero, Nick Krauser or Liam Mcrae’s book probably serve as way better info than purchasing a sandwich at subway and having your hand touched by another woman and have that being the end of the story and claiming you “got game” 

Chapter 20 is a period when Rollo dives deep in some approaching techniques which seems just too muddled for my liking and is likely to confuse the majority of beginners – I always feel this side of things is best explained in the field by an actual coach rather than someone who’s probably not done a legitimate daygame approach for 25 years. At this point in the book Rollo reiterates his alpha fucks beta bucks narrative which I’d observed in my own brother who dated a single mum during her epiphany phase and during my original review of the first book in the rational male series I agree that this is a correct observation by Rollo- other manosphere gurus like John Anthony and Anthony Dream Johnson will disagree with this but I’d say Rollo makes a fair point here – I disagree with his “she’s not yours its just your turn narrative” I believe that’s turned pretty nihilistic – or how Rollo emphasises that all women are the same in their nature despite earlier mentioning that different women require different degrees of game – I certainly found that women from different cultures and races were different and required different degrees of game with some lusting for quick hook ups and others more keen on LTRs. Again some people might disagree with me on this but from direct daygame experiences its been my finding- I do like the fact that Rollo places an emphasis on dress and having an identity – when I was at university I played it far too safe with my appearance and didn’t dress well- I was actually bullied by other women for having poor dress sense- as soon as I fixed this aspect my night game results did improve and as a I transitioned to daygame I found that better dress did make a significant difference.  Rollo emphasises similar points on clothing to that of Tanner Guzy in his book “The Appearance of Power”.   

The second half of the book Rollo dives into what I would call “typical Rational male pointers” “Its better to aim high and fail than aim low and cash out ” – one point I’d observe while living in London most my life is that most men aim very low when it comes to dating often dating below their league and being afraid to date out their league – I think Rollo makes a decent pointer here that men should aim high – I just think that men really don’t know their potential in game unless they think about it in the long term- instead of viewing outcomes of 10 approaches – look at the outcome you’d get for approaching 10 years straight consistently- when I was at university trying desperately to date from night game id get frustrated and burnt out a lot- the issue was I wasn’t focusing on the bigger picture about long term SMV growth combined with consistent interactions. Something which I think 90 percent of men on seduction forums aren’t focused on – rather what I see from beginner wingmen in the field is a few blow outs then they get pissed off with themselves  and are seemingly incapable of thinking long term. Of course when I started daygame this was part of the problem- I was always focusing on the individual details like each single set and wasn’t focusing on the bigger picture. 

The book ends with an assessment on men’s suicide with Rollo using his brother in law as a prime example – who took his own life after divorce.  Now on this blog I’ve written a lot about suicide Rollo discusses it one step further in how men are dominating in this aspect compared to women.  Rollo reiterates the importance that men find a use for themselves , find purpose and step away from self help and positive thinking and do for themselves. This is interesting when you look at two most recent suicides in the men’s dating and self development sphere-with Johnny Berba and Tom Torero – both daygame coaches who killed themselves. I’ve blogged extensively about Tom Torero’s death and the impact it had on my life- it was pretty huge- Tom was arguably one of the biggest influences in my blog and without him I would’ve probably not had a lot of the success from cold approach that I did. Yet his death reminded me of the risks of losing it all- for Tom he lost his business and was exposed to the world as a pickup artists creep with his real name- he choose suicide as the best course of action as a result – showing how even self development and men’s self help coaches are just as vulnerable to giving up on their lives as the average man. Dany Hajjaji was never blamed by mainstream media for his death but she played a pivotal roll in it . Yet no one in Msm seemed to care bar a few men in the dating sphere. Johnny Berba was another coach who tried to reiterate the self help positivity guru mindset for over 13 years but eventually gave into his mental health issues and financial debts.  I think these examples prove the limitations of self help, positive thinking at a whole – they pale in comparison to life long persistence planning and hard work with a red pill mode of thinking. I think Rollo writes his chapter on male suicide very well in my eyes. 

Where I disagree is when Rollo consistently argues that women have no real agency other than their sexuality- this I don’t agree. Lets say you game a female 7 and court her and she turns out to be financially strong and has good connections- if you have children with her life will most likely be a lot easier with her than a female 8 who’s broke and with no connections . Women can bring other value into a relationship other than looks – having dated some hot women who were fucking annoying and poor  LTR relationship  potential due to their constant agitation and bitchiness- I think this is just a weak argument that Rollo persists with . The dating coach Nick Krauser rose a similar  comeback when Rollo proposed this question in an interview with him – siting that during his daygame sessions in Ukraine he met a lot of women with generally impressive and talents beyond their looks that they had created in the face adversity and poverty of Ukraine. 

Rollo argues that men aren’t as affected by their high body count as women and I’d also argue against this- I believe that high body count men from my experience are also more pro to sex addiction and in general cheat on their girlfriend’s and are a more prone to moving on too. The fact that Rollo borderline claims that men are unaffected by it is a bit ridiculous- sex is a deeply intimate moment you have with someone else and it’s affects can psychologically stick with your life – I think both high body count men and women are prone to side effects as a result of promiscuity  – I certainly saw it in my wingmen and sometimes myself. I think even not getting laid and just watching porn has detrimental effects on men- it makes them timid and unwilling to approach a long with other side-effects like  erectial-dysfunction and loss of intimacy during relationships

Concluding thoughts: 

Overall The Player’s handbook has a lot of odd moments mixed with good ones – I do think its one of Rollo’s strongest books in the series in particular one of the penultimate chapters about suicide which was extremely interesting for me to read. Are there weaknesses of the book? Well Rollo hasn’t done daygame in about 25 years so he can’t really provide us with “infield” so to speak – some of the self promoting and bigging up of his game come merely with odd conversation with women hostesses and a random woman in a subway sand-which shop- for more practical infield most likely a Tom Torero or Nick Krauser book would be far superior to this. Having said that there are bits of knowledge spread out between a lot of  arrogant here-say and conjecture . Overall if you’re a beginner newb trying to establish yourself in the daygame setting this book may be of use to you- if you’re 100+ lays in you probably won’t get much value from it bar the occasional chapter- if you’re considering entering marriage maybe this could be practical for you particularly if you haven’t dated many women. 

7/10