Disclaimer: Im not a dating coach Im just a dating blogger who’s had some experience in the field who writes his own shit re dating , the sexual market etc. For those wondering I spend around 80 precent of the year in London and the other 20 percent a mix between Nice/Cannes/South Of France or San Francisco if you’re in any of those cities please feel free to hit me up at darrenpua1@gmail.com
Rollo Tomassi is a controversial figure in the dating space – one who’s divided many a dating coach and who’s philosophies have been debated for roughly 15 years in the space. Tomassi grew to my attention around 2017 with his 21 Convention speech although I met wingmen who’d been following his blogs on the So Suave since 2010. He drew praise from several dating coaches including Tom Torero, Nick Krauser , James Tusk but drew a fair chunk of critics from other dating coaches most notably John Anthony who entered in a long bitter online feud with Tomassi, Ross Jeffries (Who refused to even finish the book) and James Marshall.
Just to put it clear I am on the fence with this guy- on the one hand I find some of what was written in the book to be incredibly relatable to me – on the other hand I can understand why people don’t like it and don’t like him. Do I like Rollo? He’s not my cup of tea as a person as he seems a bit too self obsessed and the launching of the red pill lions NFT left me feeling a bit suspicious of the guy. But I think he offers some value to people out there – all be it in an overly nihilistic way. I think he deserves a chunk of criticism for some of the things he’s said whilst others I believe people are being overly harsh – like calling him an old grandpa? I mean we all get old- he has a low lay count? I mean he’s in a marriage and is there to provide security for his daughter- what do people expect him to do keep fucking other women whilst he has a daughter and wife?
His break down with Anthony Dream Johnson was another factor that made me concerned over Tomassi’s behaviour along with his close relationship with Richard Cooper who along with Alex Ice White has to be one of the fucking worst dating coaches I’ve ever seen. My agreements with the book lodge on what I have experienced in my own life and of course don’t constitute an exact science – with dating there are many variables , I’ve seen broke guys and ugly guys get laid and I’ve seen male models get blown out ruthlessly in daygame – it will never be an exact science ever and that’s what’s so beautiful about game – there are 100s of variables that can impact every girl, every date and every interaction. These can vary depending on the socio economic condition where you meet the woman , religion and luck (Like approaching a woman who’s ovulating – being in the right place at the right time) . So my analysis of the book based on my life maybe quite different to other people who’ve had different dating experiences or live in different socioeconomic or political environments. I mean at the end of the day 100 cold approaches in Sweden is going to go pretty differently than 100 cold approaches in Saudi Arabia.
About this Review
I can’t critique every aspect of the book or else this review would be 20 pages long , there’s simply too much to look through here. I’ve already written to much crap and waffled on for way too long anyway- I’ll probably stretch out the rest of my opinions on this book onto the other books – Positive Masculinity and the Players Handbook.
Aspects I did like about the book:
Rejection is better than regret
Rollo is often criticised by being overly pessimistic in the book – but really he does encourage men to make options and to keep approaching I think this is really important for every single man to acknowledge – on the dating forums- so suave forums- SkilledSeducer the biggest issue for men today is their lack of options – the ex The Natural Lifestyles Coach Liam Mcrae who is now married to a super model stated that the biggest problem of men today is that they don’t approach enough – he sited Volume as the key to his success- even John Anthony (one of Rollo’s biggest enemies in the space) has stated countless times you need to increase your volume from all aspects of game. Despite John calling the book “all bullshit” he does plug a lot of the ideas in his YouTube channels so there are some cross overs- of course James Marshall too a critique of Rollo’s books also plugs the importance of volume
Fake Alpha’s
The chapter on false alpha’s – people like school teachers who are only made alpha because of their environment was true to me – I mean again a lot of people won’t agree with me on this one but when I was in high school in London young substitute teachers and sometimes actual teachers would bone the 17-18 year old women in my school . This was weird as fuck for me to watch but even one of my female friends said to me “ That teacher isn’t attractive it’s just the fact that he’s a teacher and the taboo of having sex with a teacher that’s attractive to me” Now to reiterate this is just my personal experience and doesn’t constitute exact science but what Rollo was discussing did happen in my personal life- teacher’s in school systems do have alpha male and leadership characteristics which are attractive to them and therefore can cause them to have a lot of success in the environment that they are in surrounded by inexperienced low smv high school 17-18 year olds as there only competition . At my school another girl entered a LTR with a solider 10 years older than her – once she finished high school and they married the marriage broke down very shortly after – maybe again because the woman in question was now around a lot more alphas at university than before – A solider v a bunch of high schoolers is going to be an alpha in that environment no matter what but against higher value smv men in the real world he may struggle. This matched similar to the teacher “false alpha” relationship with the student that Rollo provided – again not an exact science but still a real life situation that I witnessed that was similar to the examples the book gave.
Alpha fucks and beta bucks
Again I witnessed this in my own life- my older brother entered a LTR with a single mum he met off tinder – this was pretty distressing to me as I saw my brother being used for his resources to look after a woman who’d been fucked by the alpha male- My brother’s lack of options due to his reliance on online game had led him to this relationship out of resignation – again a combination of lack of options and the fact that the western world generally favours female mating strategy led my brother to a bad ending . Had my brother gamed in eastern Europe or south east Asia with his SMV he would have been able to fuck many high smv women and wouldn’t have had to settle with a single mum and looking after another person’s kid.
Even at University the physically strongest- best looking men seemed to come up tops – High school it was nearly around 70-80 percent of the time when looks came up on tops- other smv factors like money didn’t really come into play then but as I approached my 30s+ it definitely seemed like more of a dealbreaker in relationships than before. At high school there was also relationship inequality with roughly 10 percent of the guys fucking 90 percent of the sexually active women- something which no doubt is representative in the modern day tinder/Instagram era. Nevertheless I think Rollo is accurate about the Alpha fucks mentality – of course not all women are getting fucked by alphas and wifed up by betas- but in my family’s situations and analysing what happened to my brother it does happen. Ironically my brother detests pickup artists and sees them as losers which is ironic as most of pick up and any alpha male would probably see my brother as a loser. My brother has smv though- he is accomplished author and multimillionaire – by all definition he had SMV but game and broadening of options once again does matter especially in a competitive city like London and without it it’s very difficult for most men to move up the sexual market place.
Develop new relationships : Don’t Fix broken ones:
I definitely agree with this around 80 percent though chasing old leads can sometimes be successful – utilising techniques like Instagram stories can be a decent way to find reengage with old leads though 99 percent of the time you should be pursuing new ones. Too much of so suave , reddit seductions and the skilled seducer forums are full of men trying to regain the frame in a situation where they were never really going to win in the first place . These men will almost always benefit from finding more options and opening new women- but most men are too egotistical for that shit instead they clamour onto some third tier left over trash from Hinge or try to make it work with an old university romance instead of having some balls to go out there and meet new people.
Women and Men’s SMV peak at different times
In high school I was left flabbergasted as to why the women in my year group were fucking men 1-2 years older than them. I never understood why they did it. Life experience definitely was something that mattered to women – it was attractive yet when I was young I didn’t understand. For women the attraction was never just physical – there were physically attractive men in my year but most the women opted for dating a year or two older- when I was at university I met a lot of women dating 5-10 years older than their age – I was shocked but as time went by and I noted the value of life experience in hooking up on dates then I began to realise it- inexperienced men in life are fucking boring – I was fucking boring as shit- I remember my first date aged 19 I fucking sat in silence because I had never done anything interesting in my life. I watched the attraction slowly fade from a girl who was down to f to realising I was a boring piece of shit ( I had made out with her at a festival the week before) Once I began my daygame and interacting with people in real life I realised actually being interesting was needed somewhat to keep the convo alive- it was the younger day gamers those between 18-23 that really seemed to struggle and it was to be expected after all these guys had little life experience to hook women properly in daygame . Hence why I saw usually the biggest success rate between 25-35 year olds similar to what Rollo writes about in his book.
Interestingly again those who critique Rollo the most end up teaching similar things – John Anthony stated on YouTube that life between 20-30 is tough as you don’t have life figured out at the point , similarly James Marshall said that dating in his 30s was a lot easier than in his 20s and would often aimed to seduce young women in eastern europe dating as low as 17 (that’s too fucking young for me but you do you) In the end most daygame coaches are aware than experience matters – I’ve winged with young 18-20 year old daygamers before and they make some of the worst wingmen due to their inability to hook.
SMV Matters
This aspect has been repeated by those who’ve critiqued Tomassi in the past- James Marshall , John Anthony who reiterated that you have to be the best product possible , Sasha daygame who stated that to get excellent women you have to be an excellent man- all together these dating coaches are roughly in line with the principles that Rollo expresses in his blog . Nick Kruaser who is a Rollo Tomassi fan reiterated that daygame was only a medium to date a few points above your smv and nothing more which I agree with.
Aspects I disagree with in the Rational Male
How to keep a Woman’s interest
Rollo says not to be too available – I disagree with this if you intend on making her your girlfriend you should show keen interest- I say this because in 2019 I dated a girl I wanted to be my girlfriend I then chose to ignore her after having sex to keep her on my heels – eventually she dropped interest thinking I didn’t like her- my playing hard to get actually ended putting her off. This is an ok strategy to keep a friend’s with benefits but it can be a chaotic one if you’re trying to establish connection and a long term relationship and some men need LTR experience. When I was single and had no girlfriend bouncing from woman to woman unable to get some stability- this advice actually fucked up two relationships with women. Then again I also think it depends on the culture you are dating – more conservative women want more attention than the liberal ones from my opinion – upon dating conservative Chinese women for example this technique would backfire and they would end up just seeing it as a loss of interest. I see too many wingmen playing too hard to get and not being proactive enough to get the woman out .
Never Self-deprecate
I mean that depends on the context right? Sometimes humour used in the right amount can relieve pressure and be a sign of intelligence and smv- I really don’t agree with this – it’s too much of a generalisation . Humour can be a sign of SMV and can help your game in interactions of course too much of anything is a bad thing and in my early years of daygame I struggled by excessively always trying to be funny and try hard at anytime.
Women obey the imperative of fucking the alpha man while marrying the nice guy
Ok this is sometimes true – but again women are complex creatures with different ideologies – political, social and different relationship goals. I’ve met women who had no interest in fucking alphas and just wanted children and settle down straight away – I’ve also met women who do ride the alpha cock carousel and do settle down with a beta bucks like Rollo said – that’s the thing about Rollo he’s sometimes right about things and sometimes wrong – there are 100s of examples that can prove and disprove his points at the same time.
As per my own experience I saw my brother enter a relationship with a single mother and now having to essentially look after another man’s problem- I am left wondering if the woman she’s dating now would be with her if she wasn’t a single mum. Most likely not. Rollo’s rule probably works in some context now as especially in the west now more single mum’s than ever before . So you’re obviously going to be able to find more examples of this situation working out now purely via mathematical probability.
Monogamy as a goal is a tool of the feminine imperative
Now I don’t really think that monogamy best serves women’s interests I believe monogamy and security itself provides the best environment for the children’s interests. Seeing a lot of men and women that were mentally scared by their parent’s divorces I definitely saw the value in the nuclear family and marriage – of course if not marriage then what is the end game for men who want to marry and have children? Rollo says don’t do it because of the threat of divorce and losing your money. But relationship security does benefit the children at large there are a lot of statistics to state that children of two parent households out perform those of single parent house holds and are less likely to be involved in crime . Rollo seemingly ignores this- also men can benefit from an LTR – as someone in one currently its a great experience to grow with one individual and form a loyal bond with someone . Rollo again doesn’t really mention any of these benefits to men or the children – rather than focusing on how monogamy benefits wider society at large which I believe it does . If every guy was continually looking to fuck non stop and not committing to LTRs then society would invariably collapse – marriage was one of those jurisdictions that enabled society to function. The stats speak for themselves. One thing pick up artist coaches seem to forget (as I wrote about in the previous Liam Mcrae book reviews) was the effects that seemingly boundless sex can have on a man and a woman- it’s known now that women with high body count seem to have problems pair bonding with men – similarly I’ve known in my male wings with high lay counts their inability to settle long term- it’s interesting to note from my personal dating expirences that high body count women tend to me the most insecure and hard to formulate LTRs with . You even see it somewhat in prostitutes who are mentally fucked up from sex and heavily tatted up. Sex is an intense experience and can last with us for life – even though I am still in two minds over conservative attitudes towards marriage for reasons as Rollo mentioned I realise that society is just better off when the nuclear family sticks together though that is obviously a lot harder to accomplish these days.
Men Should be in control of their own contraception
I mean unless you’re a celebrity or have a massive smv gap then I don’t know if there is much danger of this happening- from a personal stand point I’ve not seen a woman entrapping a man from tinkering with the contraception.
But there are celebrity examples you could draw on that support this viewpoint – Drake being the most obvious one as he busted in a porn stars vagina when she said she was taking the pill – she turned out to be lying and alas has locked down access to drake’s financial support for life- unless you’re an elite level man you really won’t need to worry about this or in a situation where you are dating someone way below your smv I only see that happening . Again Rollo uses the example of NBA players at fuck parties and I believe its a valid concern for those at the very cream of the top of SMV- but lets face it the majority of men on seduction and dating websites or who read seduction literature are likely to be bottom of the barrel smv times like me who lost out a lot on dating experiences at a young age and are now looking for guidance – it’s likely a top level celebrity would probably be too busy to read this sort of advice anyway even though I think it is genuinely good for them.
Woman are incapable of loving a man the way he wishes to be loved
Don’t agree with this – again in some situations this maybe true- but again another piece of Rollo Tomassi’s advice maybe used to combat this notion. If you increase your options simply you increase the probability in finding women that can love you the way you want- When I started daygame and genuinely started increasing my options I started to date more loving feminine women- I ditched the English moaning feminists and was able to date women that suited the ideology and loved me the way I wanted to be loved. Again I feel that Tomassi is taking advantage of his readers in experience here somewhat . If you have 0 lays and no options reading this book you’d be included to believe his thoughts- if you’re siting on 100 lays then you will be able to call out Tomassi’s bullshit pretty easily. The fact is the majority of men reading this book probably don’t have experience as is the case with most pua material- I was drawn to the pua sphere originally due to my lack of experience and took a lot of what Rollo said at face value due to my lack of experience – some of it was good and some of what was bad – again I reiterate the best thing one can do is go on the field do a couple thousand cold approaches and learn female psychology on their own call rather than relying on one person who did pua 30 or so years ago to guide them.
Don’t wait for a woman who makes you wait- any woman who makes you wait for sex is not worth it
I mean this depends really on the girl- if its a high value woman who can add to your social life who wants a few extra dates to close then it’s fine. Issue with a lot of men in the pua space is they’re to hungry to bone on the first date from my experience and this can lead to them not forming solid relationships or bonds with girls that would fuck them but would want some time to suss them out . Ironically Rollo and his bestie Richard Cooper hate on women with large body counts but also seem to critique women who make you wait for sex? I mean we can’t have it both ways can we?
Concluding thought on The Rational Male-
The Rational male features a lot of so so aspects some are good and some are bad. Ironically those in the past who’ve critiqued the book saying its all garbage have had some similar aspects of their teachings in their own coaching. So while the likes of John Anthony and James Marshall do critique it there are aspects which they themselves have argued in their own teaching . The one most important aspect of Pick up is life experience- as Rollo who himself quoted Nick Krauser :
a man who does 100 cold approaches learns more about female psychology than any book could ever teach him.”
I noticed in those unsuccessful at pickup the rational male had the biggest influence – or those who went through real relationship hardship. My friends and wings who were already good at dating really ignored it and just carried on going about there business approaching women without caring much for Tomassi’s rules – these people seemed to thrive the most- in fact I think theres a good argument that overthinking Rollo Tomassi’s psychology is something that can be of huge determent to anyone in the field of seduction. The best times seduction went well for me was when I didn’t care and focused on increasing my options and being proactive approaching. Im not sure if much of Rollo Tomassi’s fanbase have even done enough cold approaches to glean a real perspective of relationships. Most of the people that I see who read Rollo’s work and admire it the most usually do the least proactive action. That being said there are prominent pickup artists that do like it- Nick Krauser , Tom Torero and James Tusk to name but a few.
All in all women are complex creatures- each nation has different socio economic factors affecting it. Women’s mating strategies can vary from nation to nation even from city to city especially when it comes to the US – their political ideologies and religion can also have huge variances. Making unilateral rules can really not work because there are too many different factors at play- the only way which people will learn this is to do their own cold approaches independent of any pick up coaches ideas or influences – only then will they be able to form proper conclusions and this takes time- it takes effort and focus. Without the approaches and the experience reading the Rational Male series won’t really get you the relationships you want- indeed it was only till I did several hundred approaches that I began to see female psychology for what it was and that some parts of the book were in fact wrong but I needed that experience for myself.
It’s no wonder that the person who benefited the most from Rollo’s work was Richard Cooper who built his own fan base around Rollo’s ideas- Richard himself has never as far as I am aware had a cold approach lay or any real relationship experiences bar dating two single mum’s . Not really much to boast and not really that impressive – yet he was able to build a fan base of 700k subscribers and build a business off Rollo’s work. This is just nuts and doesn’t really make much sense from my perspective – he had far less lays and successful relationships than James Marshall, Liam Mcrae, Tom Torero, Nick Krauser- this is evidence enough in my eyes that men really lack proactive experience in their dating lives or else they wouldn’t be following a guy who’s achieved border line nothing in game bar two relationships with single mum’s . Your own experiences with women matter and building up a volume of approaches matters for the majority of men more so than any book or theory- no matter what changes in society or intersexual dynamics the only aspects you can control are SMV and the amount of approaches you can do. Most things else are beyond your control.
6/10
Leave a comment