Mindful Masculinity

Disclaimer: I am not a dating coach nor am I selling any dating products or services this blog is really for recreational usage to reflect on my previous experiences in daygame and to share my insight. For those wondering I am based in London/Nice/San Francisco so for those who want to network in the future please email darrenpua1@gmail.com thanks

Johnny Berba (Real name Jonathan O’Halloran) who passed away November 12th 2024 became the second UK dating coach to commit suicide in the span of three years – the first being Tom Torero who passed December 2021 . Johnny was known to have suffered from anxiety, depression,OCD, parental trauma from an abusive dad and financial issues including tax debt (which he talked about on his blog) . In one of his final Youtube videos he was recorded to have said it was difficult to make it through the day highlighting major problems with his OCD . His death marks a dark few years with the manosphere, with Alan Roger Currie , Tom Torero , Kevin Samuels and Coach Redpill all having passed in a short space of time.

Ill make it clear I am no Johnny Berba fan- but was saddened to hear about his death yesterday morning. I first met Johnny while day gaming in London in 2017 when  a wingman of mine was taking coaching from him and to be honest I wasn’t that impressed with him as an individual- he appeared in pretty mediocre  dress , seemed a bit anxious overall gave off a weird vibe . He complained to me that his interactions weren’t going as well as pre- online dating boom of 2014 with him stating that his reactions were getting considerably worse in 2017-2018 than they were during 2010-2014 – was this due to online dating ruining romantic love or to do with Johnny himself declining as an individual I am not so sure. But “smv” wise I was underwhelmed – my wing who coached under him would note that during sets he would spam approach a huge amount too in Covent Garden at one stage security even got involved – I am not so sure of his social calibration and watching YouTube videos of him he seems a bit agitated and too self-help gimmicky – uploading blow out infields as a sign of authenticity which might be interpreted in some situtions lack of social calibration rather than anything else due to his high “sasha daygame” like aura .  You’d have thought after 10 years in the PUA sphere the guy would’ve at least dressed a bit better and be clean shaven, socially calibrated and not spam so much but maybe I am coming across arrogant and dickish in my analysis . 

He’s the second British dating coach in the space of three years to commit suicide – Tom and Johnny had similar problems that might have contributed to their deaths- For they both had histories with anxiety and depression and both seemingly could have had financial issues that contributed to their deaths- with Tom’s PayPal account and YouTube blocked after that Danya Hajjaji article that exposed him and his real name. Johnny had financial issues and seemingly a tax burden which he was vocal about on his YouTube . It seemed he was under financial stress burdened with mental health issues this financial stress seemed to make his OCD even worse as he noted in his Youtube dairies. With Tom it was the loss of income streams, with paypal shutting his account , the exposure of his identity online and similar depression issues that drove him to kill himself.  It’s sad to see two British daygame coaches meeting a similar premature fate. I am not Johnny Fan but with 36k YouTube subscribers his influence is obvious and watching his infields in 2017- though not really liking them myself it was clear to see he was inspiring people from reading the comment sections so who gives a fuck what I think. 

Dating Coaches With Mental Issues become “Life Coaches” and “daygame instructors” 

What I found hypocritical about the men’s self help dating scene was seemingly men with overburdening mental health issues becoming self help coaches and trying to lead men out of their own dating and sex relationship problems. The whole thing seemed a bit daft to me how Johnny Berba has been making 10-15 years of self help content but was unable to help himself out of a his own mental issues and financial problems. The same could be applied to Tom Torero who was often telling people on his podcasts to man up and take responsibility- this is echoed by Mystery who seemingly looked very depressed in his comeback interviews (albeit of course he had recently lost his mother and sister – plus the loss of custody of his children) For all the “you can do , and never give up bro” these people seemingly gave up and paid the ultimate price . Which begs the question to the people looking up to these guys  If the gurus that I look up-to can’t hold it together themselves is it really worth taking advice or coaching from them? When I met Johnny as I said before I wasn’t impressed there was something off about him- but looking at comments on youtube he was inspiring thousands and my wingmen enjoyed his content and one even hired him for coaching- I disagree with John Anthony’s thesis that Berba was a complete flop of a PUA – he did get results for two people that I winged who were coached under him with but still I saw him as someone who looked drained even seeing him 7 years before his suicide. 

Drawn Comparisons With The Natural Lifestyle’s EX-Coach Johnathan Neil Thomson 

Even upon reading James Marshall’s autobiography – one of his top wings Johnathan Thomson had many mental breakdowns and even gave up on an engagement with a woman – this same wingman he hired for a coach who then was very aggressive and strict with James’ clients (which TNL clients would complain about) often in now deleted YouTube videos doing aggressive rants – seemingly 2 years later he was fired by James Marshall for allegedly harming the business – he also does a lot of rants about mental health and mediation on his own instagram page which he still posts to this day. Again this is another example of how even the best – most famous dating coach companies hire people who have themselves got destructive lives and are clearly too mentally unstable to be coaching or are seemingly hypocrites giving advice to people which they themselves aren’t doing . 

Johnny in his later years seemed himself to have lost weight and seemed to be continually blogging about his life – I’d consider this oversharing , if you have a financial issue why share it with the world it just looks weak and desperate in my opinion and isn’t something that people who are socially calibrated should do. He’d share details about his addictions to porn and prostitution  – this may have drawn him  a lot of clientele but I’d say some problems are best kept anonymously to yourself- also I found it weird how 15 years of pua and dating he seemingly failed to draw proper LTRs in the recent years – maybe his mental health was a reason behind the relationships failing to hold for the long term. It seems that the likes of him , Mystery , Ross Jefferies have failed to lock in a proper LTR despite years of study and coaching on dating. His consistency in the gym didn’t seem to be helping out either despite him making improvements to his body he still came across looking rough in the last few years which he’s been releasing content. He most definitely  needed some psychiatric help with his OCD which he was unable to control – for me personally my mental health issues were solved with infrared sauna , clean diet and exercise – Infrared Sauna for me personally got rid of approach anxiety. Im not sure if this is an adequate cure for OCD but it seemed that Johnny was very isolated for someone who should be a social dating coach he seemed to have few friends that could be with him at a time of need and no woman there to support him which again I find odd- even Torero after sleeping with 100s of women seemingly didn’t have one to take care of him in his time of need. 

Dangers of Falling Behind in your Social Life 

It was clear that Johnny had a rough life – issues with mental health and seemingly a lack of social awareness – his excessive sharing of his private life for me was one thing that made me feel like he wasn’t right in the head. But for men today social isolation at a young age, trauma and abuse has its costs further down the line- if men can’t build and form relationships with other men, if they can’t build solid relationships with women , if they can’t get their finances in order than this can leave them being vulnerable. For me personally my failure to land a proper girlfriend until my 4 year of daygame in 2022 aged 28 – I had realised I’d missed on a lot of social opportunities – luckily through daygame some of those social opportunities were resurrected and now i finally have a loving girlfriend but I was still very lonely from the ages of 16-24 and I do regret not doing daygame earlier on – it would’ve made my life a lot easier today. For many men they miss out on these opportunities and resort to porn or prostitution to fill the void – to give them the illusion of love and  a sense of belonging (especially those with video game addictions)  Falling behind has consequences and getting back on the bandwagon can be tough for some and maybe impossible to get back on that horse- either starting too late or just being too anxious and procrastinating, making excuses so to never start at all.  Johnny’s death has reminded me of the importance to keep going, to show mental strength and vigour and continuing to improve my social circle and my SMV – I don’t have mental health issues but I am also aware that its important for those who do to seek help and support- my thoughts on anti depressants? I think I really don’t know enough to have an opinion but know that they can have some really bad side effects sometimes the cure can be worse than the disease but of course it varies from person to person . 

Concluding Thoughts : 

I think its tough to analyse this as I don’t know about OCD, I think that might not have been the only thing to take him into suicide as there was also the issue of his financial issues and the history of depression and anxiety both of which had plagued Tom Torero in the past too. But it should be known that whoever you look up in life everyone has their problems and their issues – a lot of dating coaches out there have mental problems heck even Jordan Peterson much loved by the manosphere is hooked on antidepressants and opioids. You only got one life to live so continually seek to improve it so you never end up indebted and alone like Johnny did- its a ruthless world out there and takes a lot of determination to survive it and don’t ever take what you have for granted. I am not a Johnny Berba fan but with 33k Youtube subscribers and seeing his clients get genuine success his impact is undeniable. It may not have been to the heights of Tom Torero and he most definitely lacked the Social Suave of The Natural Lifestyles but his impact will live long in the lives of many.