Mindful Masculinity

Disclaimer: I am not a dating coach nor am I selling any dating products or services this blog is really for recreational usage to reflect on my previous experiences in daygame and to share my insight. For those wondering I am based in London/Nice/San Fransisco so for those who want to network in the future please email darrenpua1@gmail.com thanks

Whilst living in London my entire life I realised how brutally capitalistic relationship dynamics are. Whichever you look at it life is capitalistic and dating has huge inequalities that have gotten wider as a result of technological advances and pure wealth inequality to begin with .  Women who are in most senses left leaning in political viewpoints are more capitalistic when it comes to dating than men which I’ll try to argue with this blog post. I don’t think that’s a good thing or a bad thing I think that’s just the thing that men need to understand. I might be about to write a huge Rollo Tomassiesque piece so I will keep it light .

The rise of Inequality in Dating 

The internet lead to probably the biggest inequality of dating that we see now has been mainly due to the Internet . Online dating has allowed women in high socio economic areas to gain 1000s of matches world wide- it’s become a true “global game” regardless of whichever way you look at it with mildly attractive female 6s and 7s able to accumulate matches beyond their wildest dreams- women in developing countries being flown out by hot men in richer nations. The internet giving rise to women in developing countries able to obtain messages and date requests from low smv old men in Europe. As women’s options have grown certain men’s are diminishing and despite this diminishing returns the Pua and dating communities are at all time lows in terms of popularity with men choosing to compete on high competitive apps instead . 

Men can get Exploited and it can cost them big time

Dating is no joke – yet for a lot of men without experiences they treat it like an joke – an impulsive one at that. I use the YouTube channel Thairish Times  as an example. This is YouTube channel which interviews a lot of western men’s experience with Thai wives . These western men get into ridiculous relationships with Thai women – marrying them quickly- selling their stuff in the UK and ending up moving to Thailand in order to live with a Thai bride – the work they do for these relationships is excessive for often average bar girls and prostitutes . 

https://www.youtube.com/@ThairishTimes/videos

So who is to blame in these situations when it comes to the socioeconomics of the dating landscape? Do you blame the women for exploiting the men? Or the men for being stupid enough to fall for the shit? Do you blame global inequality which has made women resort to marrying such men or do you blame men’s general laziness and their lack of ability to improve SMV- sometimes these men lack options due to geographical isolation too living in a low population town for example. 

Some of the men in the Thairish Times Interivews come across as autistic or have asperger’s which makes them hard to understand other’s fully or be self aware of when they are being exploited.

Men’s laziness and lack of options are usually open to exploitation by certain women- this is why I admire daygame so much as a way out of this. Most relationship problems I’ve seen in men comes from their lack of options and the men having to keep up with incessant  bullshit all the time – if they actually worked hard on improving their options I’d hazard to think how many of these problems would actually exist in men’s  dating world today- this is a time when men should theoretically be doing more than ever to improve their dating lives but they seem to be doing less than ever before with forum participation and community sentiment lower then ever- see more examples here:

mindful-masculinity.org/2023/12/13/why-the-mens-pua-and-dating-self-development-scene-has-declined-so-much/

The Red Pill seeks to make us aware of hypergamy but how many men are aware of this message but rather become too fully invested- too “all in” whenever one woman likes them. Men’s lack of experiencing the dating world can cost them seriously – financially  and sometimes result in suicide   due to their loss of incomes. Yet thousands of men travel to places like Thailand and Colombia in order to take advantage of their SMV and find romantic intimacy . Can I critique them – maybe. After all not everyone is fit for the mental drain of Pua much less so even now when Pick up Artistry  communities are the deadest they’ve ever been.  Some of these men are on the asperger’s spectrum – my brother included so I would hazard a guess some men are just destined to do shit in dating and be exploited.

Some men and women aren’t self aware 

I use the example of my brother who at the age of 20 – on the autistic/ asperger’s spectrum dropped out of university to marry a woman living in a poor Russian town- she then moved to England with him – had two children then cheated on him with three other guys and divorced him. Brutal- and I use this example because it was the main motivator for me in my day game journey. Seeing someone sacrifice so much for someone else and still getting cheated on was a big motivator for me to increase my options so I wouldn’t be at the mercy of a narcissistic individual and fuck up my life like my brother did. My other didn’t fair much better – he ended up dating a single mother who moved into his house and had to look after someone else kid – this was the best he got off tinder and in my eyes it was a big mistake dating a single mom – you don’t need to be a big professional pua of 500000 lays to figure it out. Yet my brother always mocked puas as creeps and right wing extremists – well due to his laziness and inability to create options from daygame he’s now stuck in a relationship with a single mum who In my eyes isn’t a character he can trust. So who’s the loser now? The pua who makes options and dates lots of women- or the man who at the mercy of the best that tinder can give him is now dating a single mother and looking after someone else’s mistakes . I cringe to think about it- I also think that if I had a child a big chunk of women would no longer care about me or want to date me- ironically no woman is ever coming to “Save me” but women who are attractive enough can always ultimately have options saving them the exception being women who live in developing countries- I think a big chunk of them are fucked too but still a percentage of them can use online dating can get out.  

Of course women can be non – self aware too- they can cash below their SMV and not realise the grass could be greener if they tried- an example could be women born into a religious marriages, marrying arranged marriages  or women who don’t put in the effort to maximise smv for whatever reason or move to a city were there are higher smv men . For me personally growing up in school and university it seemed to me that women were more self aware of their SMV than men were. I’d say women mature a lot of self awareness in this area of their lives at lightening speed. Men on the other hand not so much and often times never. My examples at school would be women paying for photo shoots in order to grasp show off their value on Facebook, women being on average far better dressed at school than the men were, women progressing more in their careers and doing better on average at university and college than men. The majority of Men in my eyes especially at school and university just couldn’t hack it and as a result I witnessed a slow progress of their SMV particularly in secondary school where I really struggled with my dating life. 

But I still did meet some women that dated below their league- for whatever reasons I don’t know although this was still a minority of situations – male hypergamy does exist and PUA has allowed this opportunity all be it a rare one – if for example a male 7 does 1000 approaches I believe he will eventually date an 8 – using this as an example.  But for women on the other hand – hypergamy can pretty much be achieved with 10-15 minutes on tinder or pretty much any dating app. The amount of work men need to do to achieve the same result is brutal and often demoralising but that’s the nature of the beast – it will never change , we won’t undelete dating apps and women won’t lower their standards just to make you happy if you’re discontent with the inequality of the dating world today .  

Examples of Helpless men and women in the bottom rut of dating

For men it can be being born in a working class family can potentially affect their dating trajectory or being born in the third world can be brutal – Someone born in say rural Pakistan or a poor part of India will face a tough slog to improve sexual market value- even if the work ethic is there . Women born in the third world face huge challenges too and obviously face more repression whether it’s from religion or purely socio-economic situations. 

For a percentage of women – getting out of this torrid situation is possible but that depends on their location. A woman born in a poor part of Saudi Arabia like Jazan for example will face a tough task for hypergamy in comparison a woman born in a village in Thailand maybe still able to use the internet to do online dating and date a man in the western world. For a woman born a strict islamic country and a poor part of said country its going to be a struggle as dating outside her nationality maybe seen as haram . I speak from my personal experience whilst speaking with women in Saudi Arabia – in the major cities of Jeddah and Riyadh the women were relatively free- able to have jobs and date. However in the poorer city of Jazan women would speak how they wouldn’t want to be seen even being friends with me in public by another man for fear they might be outcasted by society. Speaking how they were trapped in Saudi’s conservatism and unable to find a way out . There are some women who do suffer the same that lower value men do – most of the time through no fault of their own just by simply being born in the wrong place at the wrong time.

What has this got to do with pua though? Well an example of the bottom rut is necessary for men to see the overall picture of sexual dynamics – how as men in the West we should be grateful even if the chips are stacked against us sometimes they still aren’t as stacked as people in other regions in the world’s are. For some people they are born in a some places and their dating life is just fucked . End of. Do I have a solution for said people? Other than running away to a major city  and repenting their faith maybe? But these solutions might not be feasible for most and I’ve never had to face such issues so i don’t know how sustainable a solution they really are .

The red pill suggests men have to do more relationship and dating wise- I see this as the case for most of the population of men – Men can be stuck in impoverished situations where relationship progress can be difficult – women in the third world  almost defiantly can. Men can get destroyed in divorce courts and lose everything but women can also marry the wrong can – have children – get divorce and be in a tougher situation to find a new husband as a result of having kids. Women’s looks also diminishes faster on average than men’s in general – although this can be maintained. 

Can’t be angry when it’s just capitalism 

The western world has given women a lot – with technological advances , dating apps its arguable that its given women an advantage to select the best possible mate while doing less proactive actions to get the men they want. A female 9-10 can just lay on Instagram and post a selfie of her ass and get money sent from only fans. Can we be upset or is it just someone taking advantage of capitalism ? People are motivated by money and greed and that’s about it- men are manipulated by fertility and are driven by looks and as a result their naiveness is sometimes taken advantage of .

But like in capitalism there’s winners and losers – I’ll write  about this extensively in my next blog piece – but can I really be upset if there’s a winner and loser/ inequality has always served as part of human life. I live in London – Im in the one percent of wealth in the world I’m in an intrinsically favourable position to the majority of people on earth. Just like a woman born with massive tits is in an intrinsically favourable position in comparison to the majority of women on the planet . Should she aim lower and not take the money? Why not ? If I was in her position I’d probably do the same – of course there’s morals but with a lot of capitalistic economies money trumps morals – dating can be seen as the same and is obviously ever present now with the rise of Instagram, Porn and Only fans . Our we men to blame for making this popular? I mean its hard to exude discipline from our monkey brains when we see a big pair of tits on a screen for example I guess the best way to combat this is to create real life opportunities .

The opportunities aren’t for everyone 

Reality speaking women born in the third world still have their work cut out- in nations like Eastern Europe – South East Asia high quality men could be seen as somewhat lacking- women need to work harder to pursue the men they want as economic inequality is higher . Economies which are more even – like the UK and the US women have to do a lot less for more. Is this fair? Most likely not but it’s the way life is built – if you’re born in the west usually you need to approach a lot more to get the women that you desire. If you’re a western man in the east – you in general need to do a lot less effort on average to get the women that you want why do you think James Marshall has all his bootcamps in Eastern Europe? So his clients can take advantage of their SMV – why do you think Tom Torero coached so much in Singapore? Easy to get your clients laid when there’s a lack of men around due to compulsory military service-  these are just two examples .

Similarly women who are born in very religious households may not get the same opportunities to date the women in the freer- Western worlds. If you’re born in rural Pakistan or Saudi Arabia- the opportunities of hypergamy are limited to you- If you’re a woman born in rural Thailand – maybe the opportunities of online dating are still there to some degree and can be taken advantage of . For many women – online dating is their number one route of poverty if you watch the documentaries below: 

Its a Winner Takes All hyper capitalistic model 

Women want the best- why shouldn’t they? They need wealth to foster and look after their kids in a good environment  . Why wouldn’t they want the fittest , most strongest and wealthiest partners? Is there entitlement? Of course – but most men in the pua scenes are somewhat entitled themselves only wanted the creme de la creme despite having a lot of undesirable features themselves. I think entitlement ranges from both sides – dating is competition and the best way to win is to open as many options as you can for yourself to give yourself the best chance. Waiting for women to change, for morals to come into the equation or for Only Fans to stop is a sure fire way to wait till you’re dead to see improvements.  5 percent of men are probably banging 80 percent of the chicks- and women with big breasts and fertility are going to hog the majority of the attention from men – hence why women invest in plastic surgery, big boob jobs, lips and even buying new ass- they want attention – they need it it’s part of their survival strategy to get the best possible mate for their children. Why should I be angry for people who want the best for themselves? 

For men the solution is simple – improve your social skills, open more sets, get good wingmen etc.  Improve your SMV- strive to make small improvements to make yourself a more interesting and dynamic person. Of course this is easier said than done – a man in the third world will probably need to work on themselves impeccably harder than a man from the first world – I am lucky to be at least tall and born in a western country – I also inherited a fair amount of wealth- as a result of these things I am at least somewhat in the top percentile of attractive men in the world purely by chance and luck- Like a woman born with large breasts – I did nothing to earn my privilege but a lot of people in the capitalist system are born in advantageous positions and if you’re reading this from a place in the Western world you are at least born in an advantageous position compared to 80-90 percent of the world. 

For women- get bigger breasts, nicer ass, a better career – heck posing on instagram with breasts and ass is a sure fire way for them to go up the sexual market value they can get the choice of men that they want – however with the top tier of men there are still problems in that these respective men are highly desirable for other women which creates fierce competition over the top males.  Women can still be cheated on too and naively led on by top SMV men of course these top SMV men are the ones who have the vast array of options open to them and more likely have the opportunities to cheat than the women they date do.

Even at the top the brutality continues 

SMV cannot protect you against bad relationships – I will post another blog emphasising this later on but even rich people get divorced,  Tom Brady, Will Smith etc. have all endured brutal divorces that stripped them of a lot of their capital – So this isn’t to mean that there are always guarantees when it comes to dating and relationships – far from it. Look at dating coaches , James Marshall, Tom Torero , mystery and Nick Krausser for examples all went through divorces so if the creme de la creme of the dating world are getting divorced so are you . Even the winners will have a hard time – my point is nothing is guaranteed. 

We Can’t all win in Dating -Why an Abundance mentality is delusional 

Can everyone have the perfect partner ? Mathematically it’s simply not possible – the concentration of wealth amongst the elite are limited – the amount of men that can financially support women are limited , the amount of high quality feminine women in the world are also limited too . There is no real such thing as “abundance”  high quality men/women are scarce hence why we value them in the first place to begin with. 

This idea that everyone deserves better is nonsense seeing it’s mathematically impossible for everyone to get better. Not every girl is going to date a multimillionaire guy its just mathemetically not posisble – not every guy in pua is going to even get a coffee date or bang an average girl heck a lot of dating coaches end up with below average women like Julian Blanc, Ice white,  Alex from PWF, Todd V, Tom Torero  , Liam McRae, James Marshall ,Sasha Daygame – of course looks are subjectives – me taking the piss somewhat is a dickish move because who cares as long as they are happy with the relationship right? Even those who are in the game for long periods may not always get the infinite success most clients dream of  . Im not saying success is impossible – I believe it is for those who have good SMV and who work hard. But to those self help gurus who try and create some sort of delusion of an “ abundance mindset” when the reality is all great successes and great partners are really rare- out of all my daygame lays for example I’d say only 2-3 were really worth committing to in marriage at best. True great times in dating and relationships are rare and should be cherished and – for the majority of guys require a lot of hard work and approaching to learn.